Friday, December 22, 2017


Its the third night already on this vacations, that I completely , literally spent with a dildo shoved to my ass. Yeah, I'm this kind of freak. Totally capable of masturbating for hours and hours, cumming on and on shamelessly.

Now that I'm fully growth up, I understand more of what I want in sex and why I like it that way.  I love anal stimulation.  But anal tricks demand an extra atone, tion, and fact is that not many men knows how to make a woman enjoy anal pleasures.

In times like this, when I'm alone and there's no rush,  I'll start by picturing you fingering and eating my wide open pussy.  I love to notice how our fantasies match with perfection, as you want to be in control and I want to feel dominated.

Still caught on the idea of being locked in bondage , as you serve yourself into all my holes.  I imagine you choking me on your cock , commanding me to keep my mouth opened as I drool and gag on your meat.

I spread my legs as much as I can, forcing it a little harder as a sexy stretching exercise. Isnt it about to push the limits, anyway..? I feel my pussy hot and swollen, she likes to be shown, she's so dripping wet... I wish it was your fingers dipping into my pussy, and lubing my delicate asshole, one by one, all the fingers in one hand.

I  must hold myself from the temptation of touching my engorged clit. Its too soon, and if I cum now I won't take today's lesson. There should really be a course on how to enjoy being assfucked.

But right now I am all ready to begin. The 22x 4,5 centimeters toy is firmly positioned and I slowly let it in and out, getting used with the shape of its head making its way trough.

I move my hips back and forward, and in my mind its your dick that my butt swallows bit by bit.  Its not easy, the dildo is so big... But wasn't that my choice? I bought a big dildo to get my ass trained in taking a massive cock in, an enjoy the cruel banging to the creampie.

I push it deeper, and feel my pussy drool. I reach to the other toy and try to get it into my pussy. There's no room, its crazy. I remember your promise of shoving them inside me with your own hands.  Oh, dear, you'll worn me out so badly...

Now the big dildo slides in and out my asshole so easily. I  take it all off, enjoy the gap and then push it back in. It doesn't hurt more than its pleasant. I'll come if I solely hear your voice asking me to.  But in my fantasy you're squeezing my clamped-nipples titties and panting in my ear as you get your hard cock ready to fill me with a hot, heavy load.

Boy, I could spend the whole night like that...

And I did.

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Night hunger

One in the morning and I should be sleeping. Tomorrow's a busy day, and so was today. But part of my tasks for this afternoon was writing a couple of reviews about a subject that really makes me horny.

I was already wet when he called me and said he couldn't sleep. I knew he was fishing for some sexy chatting. I was totally in the mood. He teased me, sending pictures of his sexy bondage equipments. "I have everything I need here, but you." -that was almost romantic. "I need you here now'.  - he doesn't beg, but demands.

He promises to tie my arms and legs in a way I cannot move.  Legs held spread on a straight bar, and mouth held open by a weird device like some kind of mask. My pussy floods with lust  at his every word.

I tease his dirty mind to cum, as he tells me more about his perversions. The memory of choking on his delicious cock makes my pussy dripping. I slide a finger lubed with moist to inside my blinking asshole. Feels so good I get hungry for more.

Its time for some gaping fun...

Monday, December 11, 2017

The boring truth

Being Hamalka is a way of dealing with two monsters, becoming a third and stronger one. Lust and depression. Well, I'm not even sure if I have depression, I shouldn't have, but yes, maybe sometimes it's pretty hard to deal with the fact I'm running out of life, and maybe there is no " happy ending " to everything, shit happens and its real as fuck.
I guess I kinda had been ignoring a lot of stuff, just because I didn't find possible to happen. But it happened- and what now?

Now is where I am. Living those days I never thought would come. Wow.
I don't like much opening up about my personal life here. But on the other hand, what's the fun if I'd only be porn. I wouldn't be real. Real people don't only think about sex ot have sex adventures around all the time. Believe me, I do know it. And I already waste a loooooooooot of time thinking about sex.

But yeah, let's see: I was a quite wealthy housewife. All of a sudden I was divorced, without a cent (yeah, that's possible- but I don't feel like going into the details here). Went back to my family and found great jobs, everything was doing just fine, but then the tide changed catastrophically. There were health and family problems, and as if it wasn't enough,  my parents got financially bankrupted. From far, one of my easiest dilemmas are: if I don't get a full-time job, I won't make money enough for basics. But if I stop studying, I won't get my diplomma  and get the hell out of this situation.

It even sounds funny, written that way. How can I be sooooo fucked up. I was the luckiest woman on Earth. It was...late 2003-mid 2004 when things started going to shit for the first .Money was beginning to become a problem, but I was too young to notice it was bigger problem than being dumped. I was so upset about that, that I cancelled the lifetime chance of moving abroad with a friend. She went alone and nowadays she's still living the life we once dreamed to have.

I'd like to say getting married wasn't shit number 2, but for fuck's sake: IT WAS. It was the shittiest thing I've done after refusing the trip. And I can say it without feeling one bit guilty, because when I got married there wasn't love anymore, but family stuff that shouldn't be exposed. Even though I'm just your wild imagination, even imaginary families would deserve this respect. Anyway, it was my fault, blame it on me, its not like I wasn't cruising for this bruise. Fuck me. I know I paid high for the mistake. I still live with the consequences. And traumas. Whatever.

There were good things about that times, too. Or else I wouldn't get so desperated  when he finally left me. Nowadays I see that under a totally different light that didn't take much to start shining on my life that days. Soon I was all back together. I learnt new stuff, had amazing great jobs, I found my love again and even had epic vacations. And I felt so healthy, so beautiful, so happy with myself. Was it the so-called "best of times"?  I can give you dates when I mostly knew it was.

Mid-2013, early 2014: too early to notice. When September ended, I started loosing it. I hardly can evaluate 2015. It was so hard on my body and soul. I'd like to believe it was when I found the fighter inside me, but I guess it was cowardice that saved me...I don't remember seeing death so peacefully close before. In many ways.

When our friend's body went down to its grave, I decided I didn't want to be the next one in a casket. And my soul have been growing stronger ever since. My body recovered enough to face the new challenges that pops up everyday, ever since.

And now, after writing aaaaall this, I feel way better, and actually grateful for being healthy now. Maybe I shouldn't be here complaining, wasting time instead of doing something useful.

Maybe I should actually had started thinking about porn instead of dwelling into that bad vibe. But maybe a song made me brokenhearted. Something that remembered me that there's no happy ending. In fact, there's not even a fairytale.

There's just Hamalka. A monster made of lust  and depression.

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

New Toys

It's well known that one shouldn't go shopping for groceries when hungry. People tend to buy more food than they should.
I can asure you the same goes for entering a Sex Shop when you're horny and been lonely for a looooong time already.

The door was open and I entered that blue-lightened room, which athmosphere was already bit aphrodisiac. The front part of the store had sexy costumes for all tastes, and naughty accessories for bondage. The back wall was covered with sex toys of the most diverse shapes and colors.

"May I help you..?" - soon the saleswoman came to ask.
"Yes!" - I answered as cordially as I would at the bakery counter: "I want an anal enlarger".

The mid-aged woman, who looked a bit like everybody's Geography high-school  teacher, surprisingly looked at me with confusion. I swear that for a moment, I looked around to see if I was in the right place. I reached for a giant double-dong and felt its cyberskin. Yup, I was at the right place. So I went on, as the women didn't look like she understood me.

" Me and my boyfriend like rough anal, but It's been a long while, and he has a big penis, so, how can I do to enjoy the fun without ending up at the hospital..?"

Oh, right, now the woman actually blushed! I was actually embarrassed with that. I didn't expect a sex shop attendant to blush on a least not such a regular-looking person as me. I guess I blushed too, before she clicked back and start showing me some interesting devices. And she even gave me some technique tips..! What happened to the apparently shy woman from before..? Hehehe...

I'm not really into realistic dildos. I will always prefere real flesh. But I do enjoy vibrators and replicas that will look like toys... So, the barbie-pink vibrator got my eye from the beginning.  But then I had in mind I still need anal training, and that girly penish toy didn't seem to be big enough to help...

That 22x4 cm dildo seemed to be really interesting. I liked its ice-like color. Like a penis shaped icicle. A big, juicy, smooth icicle...

On my way home, I confess I was thinking if any of those people that crossed my way on the streets would imagine what I had inside my candid backpack...

I arrived home and set the mood for that "first date".  Bottle of wine, some sexy music, a time not to worry about anything. I slowly undress of my "civil clothes" to the sound of a naughty heavy metal ballad. Wearing only the jewelry I had on for the day, I spreaded my body over the couch, admiring my own image reflected on the big mirror of the room.

I touched myself. I was throbbing hard, smearing my fingertips with moist. I tasted it, wishing it was your fingers I was sucking my pussy off.

The red wine was mixing with my red blood and red is the color of my fantasies now. Keep playing with my pussy while taking another sip. The other hand reaches the side table nand rests the glass, exchanging it for the pink vibrator.

First the vibrations in all its intensities. Choosing the best positions to rub its veiny -like surface against my shaved pussy. Slowly I'd slide it inside, enjoying every inch of it. No lube was needed , so dripping wet I was.

I pushed it until I had swallowed it whole, feeling that "balls" touching my asshole. Then I let it vibrate, trying to hold it inside without touching. It demands a certain vaginal strength, its a quite heavy toy and I was all wide open, feeling that stick shoved around 15 centimeters deep into me.

My flowing juice was dripping over my asshole. I could see the glossy button of my reflection. I was so excited, all ready to get that ass fucked.

Both my hands grabbed the "ice cock". And my first impulse was sucking it. Feeling my mouth and my pussy full. Of course it didn't feel like a cock, it didn't taste as a cock... But I looked at myself on the mirror and my mind could guess the whole scene. Goosebumps shake my body and contracts my pussy. The vibrator feels harder inside  me.

I rub that translucid  head against my butthole. Feels so good. I force it in. Its not easy, it slides aside, too wet, too tight. That big cock is hard even for my hands to handle.

My pussy is still filled  as the tip of the dildo starts to make its way through my back hole. I moan. The vibrator gets tighter inside me. Its too much to handle, I feel it stretching me from inside.

But there's pleasure in this pain . I shamelessly face the image on the mirror. Undressed, wide opened, exposed, a whole dildo shoved in the drooling pussy, and the asshole stretched around the head of a giant one.

Another sip of the wine. Nobody around, but he's on my mind. Anxious to see me having it all inside me. Push it harder. Another inch disappears. The vibrator almost slides off. I hold it. The touching changes the vibration, I loose coordination and the dildo goes deeper. Oh, it hurts. Feels great. A little more.

My pussy spits the pink vibrator out. I almost cum. A hot stream of moist flows out, and I feel that warm waving smearing my asshole even smoother. One of the hands rubs the vibrators head against my clit. The other proceeds pushing all that 22 centimeters into my ass.  "Go on...stretch this asshole for me..."- I can hear him saying.

" I can't push it any further"... I mumble. I feel its the limit. Not even half the device is in.  My pussy feels hot and looks red, swollen, red of all the rubbing.

A little bit more. Slowly. Feeling every inch. Inside. Out. In. Out. Sliding. Into my butthole, into my pussy. One each time. Taking turns.  The big dildo now goes deeper, and the moaning is louder. I take it totally off. For a moment, through the mirror, I see my loosened hole. And shove the dildo all back inside . Then off again. It doesn't hurt anymore, just pure delight.

Nipples hard, drooling pussy, stretched to the limit. Ah, you'd want to see that. Screw me with the toys, screw it all inside me, make my butthole blink. Fill my gap with your warm, tasty cum.

An hallucinating orgasm expells the dildo from my ass as my pussy squirts. Dreaming on your cock. In having all my holes creampied. In having your hands around my neck.

This will be a loooooong wait. But I'll be ready.

Thursday, November 9, 2017

I think it's something in the water.

"I told ya it was going to be wonderful"

The overwhelming landscape that surrounded us was no news for me, but I was totally mesmerized by his eyes I could only see under the sunglasses because of my privileged point of view.
The lenses were reflecting the most perfect summer sunset at the white sanded beaches of a tropical paradise. All I could think of was if he had ever seen such a beauty.

 I've never swimmed too far from these waters, but I know the rivers and seas of mine quite well. It doesn't matter how far is the sailor from, or how much had him sailed across the world, they mostly agree there's something magical about this land. Some actually never leave. Some blame it on the mermaids. 

We had climbed a hidden trail upon the coast. Its not even 500 meters far from the beach, but not many people knows these trails. This means we were probably the only ones in quite a big native jungle area. Wich could be dangerous, but also could be fun.

The sun on my skin throughout the green makes me aroused. I feel shivers when my wet hair drips on my golden tanned skin, covered only by a small white bikini. You wear rubber sandals, I am barefoot, feeling the earth, connecting to this ancient energies some will never believe if they never leave the asphalt.

"Come see the falls" - I'll show you what's wet. I climb in front of you, bending over as I much, showing off  to tease the sailor to my trap: you're never leaving again.
Where the water falls three times, under palms and butterflies,  where nothing but Nature can be heard. I take off the bikini , the only thing to keep me human, and dive into the cold waters of a magic pond among the rocks.

I swim to the other side to meet you, out of the waters, with legs to spread for you. I want to see your liquid white skin contrasting to all the colors we're into now.  You hold me against a stone wall, in the perfect angle for a kisst that gets more urgent and deeper as you slide your cock towards my moisted pussy lips.

You're starting to pant. I moan out loud. Something moves among the leaves on the bend. A lizard, or whatever. I felt I broke some spiderwebs as we got there, but I was just too busy being a female. Feeling you filling me up with a hot hard on, as my skin felt cold over the drying water. The wet touch of your warm lips on my already sensitive nipples was way too much to handle. I came hard right in the first time you strongly stroked your manhood into me to its root. My pussy was pulsating and you woun't take it off.

My body relaxed, but you held it firmly and kept banging me. I wish it would take forever, but I know you were anxious, too.  I put my arms around my sailor, rubbing my humid breasts against his sweaty body. "Cum to me..!"

The hotwave hit me from inside as his whole body trembled. He roared like a male, and our kissing were more brutal than biting. Love, naturally.

We say goodbye at the harbour. He sail. I swim.

Friday, October 20, 2017

Balance check

So, this is the place where I totally expose myself, to those who knows nothing about me. Its like screaming in the desert. Kinda like everyday life but backwards. Out there, I'm kinda hard to go unnoticed, still people can't see what I'm really made of. Here you have all my soul, but that's it. Don't expect to recognize me on the streets, I have rather different colors from inside and out.
I told ya already that have been shitty times, but seems that once one get used to pain, the mind starts to adapt and get clearer again. Or at least able to process. I started thinking.

"Whatta hell am I doing to my life..?" - I've had these kinda thoughts before, but they were never as shocking as now. Probably also because, really, I've never thought I'd be facing such times. I guess I got quite good in overcoming a lotta emotional mess, but financial resection was something I wasn't expecting to struggle with.
Sounds ridiculous, I know. But its harder than it seems, to deal with material problems. And mind you I've never cared about money, I despise luxury, I don't even bother following fashion, I don't demand going to expensive places. But its also true that money was never an obstacle between me and my simple pleasures. My dreams are priceless, so why would I bother with cash.
But when things get serious to the point one has to choose between your mother's medicines or a cheap hair shampoo for basic hygiene, its a clear sign that situation went out of hand. Talk about crisis, I know it well as a Political Reporter... BUT, most of all, I feel it, I live it everyday.  My family and I weren't big fortune, but it seemed unlikely we could end up like this almost all of a sudden. And I know we're not the only ones. The crisis hit harder not the ones with billions, nor the already poor, but the middle classed like us, that had small investments and satisfactory jobs. Now jobs are gone, and so the money of small investors that supported my whole life.
Fuck all the emotional hurricane and wristcutting broken heart stories I've mostly filled my pages with. I feel now as if my whole life I've lived as a pink cotton candy teenager whom is immature enough to smile over own troubles, just because of some fairytalish faith that, in the end, was proven useful to keep me sane for a while. But the while is over. I'm getting closer to 40 than to 30, and definitely, things are NOTHING as I figured it would be, ten or fifteen years ago.

I was living for love, now I'm fighting by instinct. And seems there can be a different happiness in growing sceptical. I'm a hard student, I am a complimented lecturer and reporter, and at some point I know the money-issue will get back to stability and up to beyond. And those who knows my work hardly knows my heart. Those whom I gave my heart might not know the dark spots of my soul. But the woman of this aging body is no longer feeling sorry or apologizing for being self.

I still ain't proud, but I'm stronger. And its good enough to go on.

Monday, October 16, 2017


If still my plans keep going out of rails, I might consider selling my diaries to some editor. There has been notes ever since I was 10 or less. Just make sure to publish it post mortem, I don't even read that stuff again, shame on me..! 😂

Poking some wounds

Mmm'kay. Real Hamalka here. So, there will be no porn today. It's one of my rare 'headache' days, I'm not in the mood. Yet blogging seems fine, and I feel I could use opening up something more important than my legs, for a change.

Somehow this have helped me a lot, I guess. In a kinda diverse way from what I would expect - or want, maybe - but finally talking about some things....that I don't even me seeing myself bit differently. I hadn't really "noticed" how much shit I overcame in life, because all the time I was mostly busy with gratitude about the good things around me.

Ok, I still don't feel comfortable coming up in the details, but I've dealed with nasty stuff in life. And I learnt from all of them.  My mind has a peculiar way of functioning, but unfortunately my  memory is good enough to remind me why people should NEVER GET DRUNK IN FRONT OF KIDS. It doesn't matter if you're happy and celebrating, you adults have no idea how scary you become when to that point of talking loud and laugh at stupid things.

Of course I'm not in anyway saying no one should drink around things, of preaching kids alcohol is devilish- I would never be that hypocrite , because I just don't fit in any extreme. I kinda grew up in both, and I'm living experience on how this stuff SHOULDN'T work.In many levels.

The other day I talked about a particular episode of domestic violence of my adulthood ,and thought I would never have to remember that again, but life is, I met a dear relative whom I haven't been seen for six years. And she made me remind that... Really, for the first time I was listening to someone else talk about that, and I wish it wasn't me she was talking about. I do remember going through all of that, but I kinda couldn't believe I didn't end up way more fucked up than I really am. I was born Mom's Little Princess, I grew up to be (almost) all Teacher's did I end up crying, at the Police Station? Shit hit us all, indeed.

But then I remember thinking 'bad things happens to everyone. Amazing things like there is in my life, this only happens to a few way too good lucky people like me'.

I know, this sounds crazy, or the kind of stupid self help talk. But that's what probably saved my live over more than I can had noticed. Knowing then what I know now, I'd probably be less fierceful about things. Wouldn't be so optimistic, so faithful. I believed slaying dragons was part of the fairytale or something like that.

I felt bitter for a while. I tought  I was loosing faith - and I'm not talking about religion here. I could say I felt like the gods deserted me. Somewhere deep in the heart of the jungle, they call it "Panema" , a very bad luck period, the forest spirits are against one. But I didn't have the time to dwell in misery, for I had full bunch of work to do...
 That kinda made me angry at some point, too.

I'm glad I noticed there isn't happy endings before it ends... But if one doesn't expect happiness, what can there be in the end? I'm fighting to make sure it won't be misery. It wasn't til now.
And I am sure the worst is gone. Because I'm so stronger.