Asstrology

By the way, I´m an Aquarius.

Damn, this shit works..!

Definitely unsexy

So, here I am, after a full day at work, sitting on the toilet, trying to relax and get rid of the shit of life. Yes, you got that right. And don't give me that disgusted looks, for I know you often do the same thing. at least once a day, if you're a healthy being. I just think that if I'm shameless enough to think you guys enjoy reading about things going up my intimates, there's no point in hiding the truth that eventually things get down them, too.
I actually wonder how many times we're reading sweet things from that gorgeous people on Facebook or blogs, and they are actually sitting on the toilet, cutting the toe nails or doing even more bizarre everyday tasks. It never happened to me of asking "What´s up?" to some friend and get "I'm taking a crap" as an answer. But  I´m pretty sure in fact it might had been true at some point.


Okay, I don't think physiological needs are sexy or cool, but hey, it´s part of life. To burp, fart and stuff. Comes with the package, and although it can indeed be rude to share it with the world, I think society is bit paranoid about it. Like this friend of mine, who went on vacation with her boyfriend for the first time. They spent 10 days in Mexico, which means a lot of beans, chilli and corn, right? And for these 10 days, she never made it to the toilet. Reason alleged: they were sharing a bathroom and she would never live through the fact he could want to the toilet right after she had pooped, and he could still smell it. "Well" - I said - "Couldn´t you just  give him a good humoured warn, like 'If I were you, I wouldn't go in there right now?'. Nah, she said she didn't even feel like doing it for the whole vacation, so nervous she was on that possibility. I wonder how she didn't got sick...

Shit happens. Indeed.

Consequences

If I don't have sex, I eat a lot of chocolate

If I don't eat a lot of chocolate, I smoke too much.

If I don't smoke too much, I drink a lot of coffee

If I don't drink a lot of coffee, I don't feel like doing anything at all.

What would I do if I can't fuck, eat chocolate, smoke and drink coffee, anyways..?

All work and no play makes Hamalka a dull girl...

Quick review

Last night I started reading the so-called best seller "50 Shades of Gray" and already gave it up.
C' mon, my imaginary sex life is 50 times more exciting than that.
And if I had a real one, I sure wouldn't be wasting time on those books...

Hairy issue

I was just reading a funnytragic issue about waxing. Or else, about the lack of it. Girls that decided to let their body hair grow freely, on the armpits, face, eyebrows and bikini line. Mostly, they do it to contest beauty standards, it's a feminist thing (at least what they call feminism down here at H-Land). But that issue is actually saying this might become a fashion trend.
Wha-ha-at? Come on, I hope it does. It will be fabulous to see all that fashion models and followers looking like anorexic gorillas. I wanna see the Victoria´s Secret Angels raising their arms and showing their natural growth pompons. I can't wait for the summer, when the beaches will be full of bikini bushes. That would sure be a freakshow.

Thankfully I was never a fashion freak .I get crazy only in waiting during intervals to clean up my eyebrows.

Sorry, trendies, but I´ll stick to my brazilian wax probably until I´m too old to care, or to grow hair at all.

Gotta share this fine piece of art...

Monday bravery

I have five minutes to get out of this bed, put some sneakers on and go jogging. Instead, I´m here in my pajamas, lights still out, blogging this very important post and trying to sabotage my own routine.

Better to focus on all the new lingerie I wanna buy and look good on it.

One...two...three...here I go!

This button would be very useful

Sounds like someone I know

"If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where I was born and what my lousy childhood was like, and how my parents were occupied and all before they had me, and all that David Copperfield kind of crap, but I don't feel like going into it, if you want to know the truth."

-The Catcher in the Rye
Holden Caulfield in Chapter 1, opening words of book

Hiding highs

Saturday at home. Don't feel like going anywhere, so I´ll probably spend the night online, smoking and writing bullshit I know I'll never read. I was actually thinking about removing my old blog from the internet, but I guess I´m not doing that. Let it rot by itself, if I never feel like writing there again. Problem is that everybody who reads that knows who I am, and I feel more confortable now writing almost anonymously like I do here. Of course there are few readers who know me here, but they are the few privileged ones for whom I should have nothing to hide, for they respect me, even me being this unrespectable lady sometimes. C'mon, maybe I´m human. I have a lot of shit in my mind every now and then, just like you.

I was talking to some girl friends the other day, about this other blog I used to write when I was younger and (very) naive. It was a kind of personal social magazine about  me and the people who were popular on our group by that time. I had this idea that would be fun to write trivia about people by then. Nowadays I think it´s just stupid. Tobias Sammet, a guy who sings on a band once twitted: "why would people be interested in what I had for breakfast?" Well, I have no clue, but fact is that they are. Specially if you are knowed.


Fangirls (and boys) are such an interesting phenomena. Yes, I´ve been through this stage myself. When I was a teenager there was no internet to browse, so I collected every piece of magazines and news I could about my idols. Madonna, Metallica, Rubens Barrichello, Ayrton Senna, The Backstreet Boys. Then came the on line living and I collected and printed a lot of stuff on Johnny Lang and Savatage. Then I kinda grew up on this, but was always browsing for stuff about people I was interested on: bands, musicians, actors and actresses.
But when social media came along, than I realized the funniest thing to do is to browse about my friends and anonymous people that are weird and no afraid to show it. In Youtube days everyone can be famous, if just really shameless. Or badly busted.
I am not a pop blogger anymore. Better this way. Once I went to this club, and I hadn´t been writting for a couple of years anymore, when two girls came and asked to take a picture with me. That was funny and stupid. Of course they didn´t read my blog to know about me, but about the people I used to hang out with. For them, I was privileged. For me, I was just a gossiper. As like, or even worse than that annoying people from TMZ or E! , since I was actually writting about people I mostly knew and were kind of friends with. What the hell was I thinking?


Well, time went by and though I decided to stop blabbing about other people´s lives I was stupid enough to blab about my own when I started dating a (very) local celebrity. Again, I have no idea what I had in mind. I thouhght It was a good thing to shout to the world about our love or something. "Hey, people, the guy is mine" was also an intended message, that of course went way wrong. Envy is a powerful poison, I guess, that comes invisibly to our lives. Good thing is that I learnt how to deal with anonymous harrassment and narrowed people blabbing as few. The bad part is that I got even more sure that the world in general is made of such a brand of idiots that sometimes I feel sorry I have to share this planet with them.
I´m happily not with that douchebag anymore, but still today his "fangirls" love to search my life, probably just to feel nice about how right they were in thinking I´m not worthy him. Way to go, bitches ! I just regret I didn´t listen to you before. I´m definitely worthy way more than that..!
 But if they can talk, so do I. And now I  write my stuff to sign "Miss I Don't Give A Fuck".For most of you don´t even know if I'm real, or some badass fat drunk old motherfucker avatar.

Go ahead and browse. I dare you to figure me out.

Sometimes...

Fuck innocence, I´m pissed.

How come they take my favourite video out of redtube..?!

Innocence, for a change

Weekend´s here again. The best part about spending the whole week at the office, working my eyes off, is that I learn to give proper value to weekends. Nowadays I don´t party that much. I mourned about its reasons before, so I won't waste my time or yours with this shit. There's just too much I'd like to be living right now, still I can't complain about the way my life has been going. If there´s a time for everything probably time has come for me to shut the fuck up and take the course of the fate a little bit.

Yeah, it´s friday. And I´m off to play dolls with my kid.
Life can be perfect when we have someone to play with.

Light as a feather

I must confess that I was never much into sex toys. I had a vibrator once, but I think vibrator orgasms are boring. Too fast and mechanical. Orgasms are a thing you must taste and enjoy, like a good wine or chocolate, even masturbating. And I never had a fake dick or something. When I fuck, I fuck. When I masturbate, I masturbate. If I´m touching myself while getting fucked, it´s not masturbation, as much as shoving cold things in my pussy by myself is not fucking - and not my thing. Each one to one´s pleasure.

But it seems that this time I found something really interesting at an adults toy store: this cuddly pink feather. What does it do? It tickles. Softly and innocently. Great inspiration for this relaxing moments when I sit here with my glass of red wine and try to get rid of all the stress from the day past.

And red as my wine and my dreams, he comes to tickle me. All undress, I spread myself to him, feeling that caress that arouses me and makes me wet for more. His kiss of wine and cigarettes turns me on as we breath deeply at the same rythm. I burn in love and desire for his body in mine while all I can feel is the light touch of the feathers between my legs. "Tonight I´ll make you beg." He whispers. I am already begging. For his hands all over me, that hot lips sliding through my shoulders. The scent of his skin bathed in sweat and perfume, the sight of his face, eyes shut, head up, lips that moan a feeling I can only guess to share. Oh, that face I'd sell my soul to stare for the rest of my life, that haunts me as a glimpse of an angel, born as human just for the pleasure of the ones he has touched. He moves me and pleases my body and my spirit, and I have no choice but to surrender. Deep inside me in every way I feel whole. Splashed in his cum I was baptized as lover, and for gift I got everything I can do to keep him satisfied. My naughtiest dreams and hidden passions, my hunger desires and dirtiest secrets, I crave for his touch and give all in a tray. My cunt dripping wet pays its honours with an overwhelming orgasm.

And again it is just me.

Religious crap

Long way home

Today, for the first time since I arrived from heaven and went back to hell work, I got to leave the office at 6 p.m , as I should everyday, but due to the shitload of things to do, this just never happens. Well, I already had this hunch, but today I got pretty sure that it´s useless anyway. I live 7 km away from that damn office, but getting out at six means precisely it will take me at least one hour and a half to get home. Rush hour on Hamalkaland: 700 cars to each thousand inhabitants. Not because we're wealthy, but because public transportation just doesn´t work. Bah, no news, here. Point is that this year we´re electing a new mayor, and I have not a slightest idea of who to support. It´s always the same people and they´re all proven to be shitty managers. Maybe I´ll vote for that hippie girl: she might try legalize cannabis. So the city can go to shit, but I won´t even notice that.
Politics actually makes me feel down. Here the minimum age to vote is 16, but it´s not mandatory until you are 18. I remember the first thing I did the day after I turned 16 was to get my documents to vote and take part on public assembly. Such a waste of time, now I know that. What to say? I was young and so full of dreams... Even if I became a politician myself, I would never get to change all this chaos. So, screw politics, life sucks, it won´t be getting any better than this, in fact it´s all for the worse, at least for some years yet (while the old school politicians are still alive). No need / use to give a fuck: better focus on my life, that has been unusually great, and try to be a good neighbour to the ones I can reach. Share a bit of my happiness. Pay it forward all the things I´m thankful for.


And they are way bigger than any traffic jam at 6 p.m.

@ the office

When the day ends

"I dunno why, I try not to make theories about it, but fact is I´m feeling a bit blue these days. Maybe is the lack of sleep: since I got off the plane my life has been quite a hurricane: I was expecting to spend at least one month trying to find a new job, for example. But I made it back home on sunday and was at the office on monday. Had a hell out of a busy week, and on weekend there was this family party that went trough the night. After that, my daughter got sick. Ah, the glamour of motherhood: I haven´t been sleeping for two nights in a row, while she burns in fever and wakes up crying and throwing up every fifteen minutes. And by dawn, when she finally sleeps, I gotta get back to the office again.
Yes, this is really stressful and might be the reason I think I´ve been feeling down.

Actually, I've been feeling stupid. I wish I was an intelligent girl. Clever, at least. But everyday I have more and more this impression I´m nothing but stupid. My head doesn´t work right, I can´t do some things that seem so easy to most people. I can´t even deal with people right. And I wish I could care more about some things that are going on nowadays around me, but damn, I never felt more like don´t giving a flying fuck for anything."


I gave up. I was just so stressed that I couldn't go on writing anything that made any sense anymore. During the day, to keep up the work running I had massive doses of coffee and sugar, and then, no matter how tired I was, I just couldn´t get any sleep. The house was on perfect silence, and so was the whole neighbourhood. It seems everybody was already in bed, but me. So I started doing pretty useless stuff in order to get bored and knocked out.

-What are you doing? -he asked, and his voice itself was already enough to make me shiver.

-I am working after hours - I answered, without looking back, pretty sure he was there, looking straight to me, as sexy as he is.

-Shit you are. I´ve been here for a while, and I saw you on Facebook.

-I was just kidding, and I´m going to take a shower now.

I closed the computer and got up from the bed heading to the bathroom, but he got me in the way. Grabbed my arm and looked deep in my eyes.

-You´re sure in need of a shower. You are such a dirty girl.


He started stripping me from the pants. He unbuttoned my jeans and slid down my panties that were already getting wet. I felt his hand grabbing my pussy and his middle finger rubbing my clit, just teasing, spreading all that juice between my legs and up to my asshole. I closed my eyes in delight and moaned softly when he started penetrating me with his fingertips. His other hand was caressing my breasts from over the black t-shirt I made mention to take it off, but he stopped me.

- I´ll do it.

With both hands, he pulled my shirt bit up, enough to uncover my breasts still held on a white lace bra. He grabbed them both off the cups and sucked until my shy nipples got hard and red, a bit sore even, but it was sure more pleasure than pain. Then he went on pulling my shirt up, I raised my arms to get it off, but instead he stopped at the wrists and tied my hands together with the t-shirt so tight I couldn´t get off that unexpected handcuffs. Then he pushed me back to bed and held my arms still up while he climbed on me, and with the free hand, pulled his dick out his jeans. The son of a bitch didn´t even bother to take his clothes off before rubbing his huge cock against my boobs, my mouth and my face. I could already taste him, and felt my pussy dripping in anxiety to swallow him whole.

But he proceeded fucking my tits instead. Slid that hot dick slowly between my breasts and made me suck its head. He was looking me straight into the eyes, and eventually closed his and roared in pleasure. I could feel his cock getting even bigger between my now moist and reddened boobs, it was pulsating inside my mouth and I wish he´d come all over my face right then, but I knew it was just a start.

He got off me and turned me butts up, to the edge of the bed. With my arms caught under my body I was in no escaping position. I could listen to him taking off his clothes in a second, while I felt one of his hands and then the other spreading my legs and pussy.

-Oh, fuck..! - I moaned when felt his tongue all inside me. Soon I was all filled up, with his hungry mouth all over my clit while his fingers fucked me deep. I could feel  two moving fast and softly inside my pussy and one going in and out my ass, hard and slow. The sensation was just too much to describe. Eventually, he slapped my butt and I could feel the skin turning hot . I asked him to hit harder.


- A dirty bitch, indeed...- he laughed - look at you...you just have no choice but being my filthy whore tonight.
 I almost screamed, with his fingers inside me. Suddenly he pulled my legs up on the bed again and turned me on my back. His huge hands were now smelling like sex and he grabbed my face by the jaws, forcing me to open my mouth, as I wasn´t dying to choke on his cock. And while he made me take it whole down to my throat, he laid on top of me, holding my legs open while he french kissed my pussy. He was sucking and licking me as he went deeper and harder on my mouth, I couldn´t breathe or scream but I´d die happy if I had to come right at that moment. I felt his cock pulsating inside my throat and I was pretty sure he´d feed me with his cum.


But I got loosen from the ties, and grabbed him by the balls, softly and literally. When he noticed I had my hands free, he tried to get me captive again, but now it was my turn to play. I got him laid down and gave him back: I was about to ride that delicious cock as a naughty cowgirl. I held him with my hands and rubbed against my pussy a little so he could feel me hot and wet while I decided if I wanted to take that cock on my pussy or my ass. I guided his dick to my asshole, carefully not to get hurt. Only the tip went in a few times before it was hot and loose enough so I could actually take him whole inside my butt.

His arms then embraced me and it took just a litle touch of his fingers on my clit for me to come like crazy while he hugged me from behind, his dick all shoved inside me, his hands grabbing my tits and my pussy. It was almost a squirting orgasm for I could feel the juice dripping out and making his dick go even deeper and harder. I couldn´t take that anymore, I screamed and my body got loose up on his, I was feeling like a sex doll, worn out and hypnotized by his sexy growing roar from what I could barely figure the words he was saying. He grabbed me by the tits to fuck me and came closer to my ear to say in a whisper: Take all my cum inside your ass.

I didn´t take it all. I could feel something hot leaking by the time he filled me up. His body got tense, than shaking loose . His heartbeat was so loud it almost echoed in the room. I could feel its vibrations while we kissed deeply, surrendered to each others arms.

So, I shut my eyes for a moment, and when I realized, Mr. Red was gone.

And I´m off to that shower at last. After writing down all this, I´m definitely in need of some clean panties...

Shit, this blog is getting more x-rated than I ever thought it would...

Corporative cattle

Ookay, time for some grumpiness here: today I got a remarkable reminder of why I hate working for a big enterprise. We were all fully buried in work, and still had to waste almost two of my precious hours in a meeting where two guys were talking about how neat and honoured is to work for that company. You know, this motivational stuff almost always gets me demotivate. I mean: okay, it´s a good company and they pay me right, but why would I celebrate as if it was my daughter's birthday because they are making a million a day? Where are all this money going? Not to my paycheck, for sure...

Then they started showing a video of the last "business meeting" they promoted. It was mostly about the sales team at the beach, dressed as seamen, drinking, partying and making stupid preschool tasks such as drawings, banners and even assembling a paper card boat. What the fuck..?! What does this has to do with e-commerce, for goat´s sake?! It was funny, indeed, but come on: nothing justifies the eyes full of tears of some of my colleagues when the boss is talking about growing 421% a year. None of us owns the company, most of us are actually small fishes there, so, why such a comotion? They talk as if the company was our father, mother and religion, and the most incredible is that it seems that people are actually buying it!
I remember a time when I was working as a screenplay writer for motivational videos to big corporations. It was pretty hard, actually, since not even I, the moron queen, can come up with so much shit to treat businesspeople as 6 year old retarded kids. I felt sorry for them. That´s when I decided I would never like to be treated as corporative cattle.

And look what I've got now..! Must be a bad karma. I´m pretty sure it is.
Oh, the things I do for money... to have stuff money just can´t buy.

Morning poetry

Personal whore

 And wanna know what? Yeah, maybe I´m deeply sick, but there´s something that excites me about showing off to the world how great fuck I am, but you´ll never get it because I´m taken. Fuck feminism on this point: I like to be exhibited and enjoyed by the one I love. It´s an  aphrodisiac feeling to know the guy by your side feels sexually priviledged in having you. If a girl feels humiliated by this, she is the one who´s giving away this privilege so easily. If any or many can say that is fucking you and you´re not proud of it, then you´re a whore. But that one guy can say whatever he wants: he´s fucking me because he can, and he can because I want to.

Call me your bitch and do it out loud so everyone will know it. I´m a bitch
Yours only.

Wet thoughts

One of the things I found out about myself during these days is that maybe I´m a little bit more sexually insane than I thought. Not that I was shy or contained before, but maybe I wasn´t just so open hearted as I thought I was. Or even, I wasn´t so self assured and confortable to really - I mean, really - enjoy some things without reservations and guilty.
I like to come, I love the sensation of that heatwave that shakes my body and makes me wet, I like to get aroused. I used to watch a lot of porn ever since I was a virgin, waiting for the man I would be meant to please. For some narrow minded  people it might be hard to believe, but I was virgin until my 20´s and still I can count my night stands on my fingers. Instead of fucking around, sex had become so important in my life that I prefere to make big deal of it: it must take something special to happen: an uncontrollable urge, or else I prefere to have fun on my own. You know, I don´t exactly need somebody to make me come. I can do it very well by myself, and I don´t even need to worry about calling the day next. Mr. Red, my imaginary sex friend is pretty great, and he recently learnt a whole lot of new tricks that might keep me fed for some time now. His voice dirty talks to make me crazy at anytime of the day, I hear him whispering in my ear "I´ll cum inside your ass" and feel my panties getting wet. Fuck me hard, fuck me deep, I´ll suck you to choke if you just ask me again.Climb up on me, give me that look, that roar, hold me hard and give me no escape from your hungry mouth between my legs.
Hit me harder, I like it. Fuck me roughly. Fill me up.
And then let me fall asleep to your heartbeat on the satin shelter of the arms I love.

Dress me up

I don´t care about having to wake up early for work. Okay, in winter this can be really difficult, but my problem was never actually to get off the bed- my problem is to get off the house. First because it implies that I have to choose something to wear, and believe it or not, you readers, I am a girl who simply hates fashion and trying a bunch of outfits.Of course I like to look nice, but problem is that my sense of nice has nothing to do with common sense, I think. I can see an outfit and immediately know if I like it or not, but I suck with dress codes, and  unfortunately where I live people tend to judge you by your clothes and the way you dress. No wonder why nobody has a clue of who I am...

This time I decided I won´t bother anymore. I´ll wear pretty much the same pair of jeans, t-shirts and my ten years old favourite sweater everyday. And fuck the purse, I´m using my backpack: it´s so easier to carry and I can fit a lot of stuff in there if I need to. Of course I don´t, because of the weight, but you never know when you might need some space.

I need to find a good seamstress, so I can have the clothes I want the way they fit me. You know, I don´t have a common figure, if I may say so, and most outfits don´t suit me so fine, so the best ones were tailor made. Problem is that as much as I don´t like to go shopping, I also have no patience of going to a seamstress to take measures and try the clothes. Actually I would love to know how to sew myself the outfits I want, but I tried hard to learn the magic, and ended up pretty sure it´s a talent, as cooking, gardening or playing an instrument. I won´t starve and I can fix some loose buttons, but I can barely ring a doorbell in tune. And I never tried gardening again since my cactus died. It was like breaking a Nokia phone : I felt miserable when I found out I was capable of doing that.

Gee, just looked at the clock and noticed I´m running late. Time for shower, my boring clothes and off to work. Today it will be a heavy shitty busy day, but at least it´s friday and there will be beer at the office after 6 p.m

Feet on the ground

These days made me also think a lot about the directions I should give to my life from now on. I wanted a vacation "out of my life" and I got it in a way I could actually see myself from a completely different point of view, and this helped a lot reviewing my goals, my feelings, my hopes and dreams and all the ambitions I might have. All of my life I was always the easy living that prefered not to worry (or even not to care), maybe because I didn´t actually had a figure of what my existence was. Now I picture a story that is completely different from what I expected, in a surprisingly good way, and the road to the future seems clear : it may be still bit far away, but I can see it from here, and this is sure a beginning. I have always been impulsive and trusted so much in a star  that now I see I was just way too fucking lucky I never got into huge troubles cruising for bruising like that. I was all the time head diving with my eyes closed and was just plain fucking luck that I never hit shallow waters.

Well, I´m not saying I won´t trust my intuition or take any risks anymore, but I am pretty sure by now that I can go on with knowledge instead of blind faith ( or inconsequence?)
I won´t say I grew wiser, but I sure grew older, and point is that I might just not be too good humorous anymore to take the consequences if something goes wrong, now. No time to loose. If I want it all and I want it now, I might as well go get it.

Dreaming is not over, but reality is just beginning...

And maybe it´s better than I thought.

Viva la vida!

Oh, yeah. For weeks you've seen me counting the days for the big event I called "lonelymoon". That in the end, as you may presume, I wasn´t expecting to be lonely at all. And it wasn´t: met a lot of people, made amazing new friends, got fucked hard and loved softly, and every morning I woke up for a new dream.Oh yeah, I wanted it all, a lifetime of excess, heavy drinking, heavy metal and overwhelming feelings.

For those who lived to seen it, build it and share it , my eternal gratitude and the certainty that none of you or those moments shall ever be forgotten.

Better than spend over 20 days drinking and never having a hangover is to spend over 20 days living with all your heart and never having a single hassle.

No, it wasn´t exactly what I was expecting.
It was more, way further more. And now I don´t just think  I am the luckiest girl in the world because of that.

I´m pretty fucking SURE I am.
Who´d to say?

Life is made of choices

The dream is over

Or,  "let´s call it a pause".

Indeed have a lot to tell, but I´ve been writing for over 14 hours straight now so,for now, to make a long story short:

Live for the moment. You´ll sure recognize the ones that are worth dying for.