Labour day, lazy ass

Ok, I wont stay here whining about the lost holiday. Instead I´ll focus on what I should be doing, but only after sharing a few thoughts on May 1st: it´s Labour Day, but nobody seems to work. We all go get drunk at barbecues or out to the beach with the family (even though it´s so fucking cold that I don´t even want to think about wearing a bikini).
Besides, the Labour Day is actually the anniversary of the death of dozens of workers on a confront with the police. Cool, huh? So that´s what we´re doing: celebrating labour by getting wasted on the day real workers got killed.

I love mankind. It´s so delightfully ironic♥

The fucking story of my life

And all I wanted was to live like an 80´s movie.

Back to the old style



Okay: this was getting way too sweet and boring, and truly, I don´t want you ghostly readers to think this will soon turn into a damn teenage-girlie blog. I´d kill myself before it. So I better find something nasty to complain about instead of sharing my innermost feelings with the world. Even because I know you naughty guys are only interested about my sex adventures with my imaginary friend, and to keep these running as it should I can´t call him all the time, or else that´s what you get: imaginary love stories. Not my fault: he´s just too perfect not to fall in love with. And just too imaginary for me not to be afraid of it.

So maybe from now on I´ll stuck to my dildo in case of emergency, for at least a week. It´s concrete, it´s guaranteed and there´s no danger of me falling for him, since it´s also so fast we don´t even have time to engage on a dialogue.

4:20 in the morning. In less than 5 minutes I´ll cum and fall asleep.

Why the fuck do you have to be so sexy..?

I know I should respect you more, for you´re truly an incredible person.
But why you had to be born so hot that I melt just in seeing you..?
I love you from inside...your outside teases me. Cherish the angel, fuck the devil, you´re best of both worlds colliding with me. Take me, rape me, play me.

You know the melodies, I´ll write the lyrics.

She tried

Before the day ends

Saturday night is just beginning for those who have a life. I have a job, so when everybody else is dreaming about marrying the night, I´m getting ready to get in bed with nothing or no one else than my satin sheets.

-You know there´s a lot of stuff happening out there that you´d enjoy taking part...
-Knowing this won´t pay my bills or make me feel any better.
-Maybe this will do, then.

He came and kissed me gently. Smiled - and melted my heart. Another kiss, deeper, wetter, I felt my body starting to get aroused, my hands getting tense on his back, but he still held me tenderly. Slowly we moved together as if we were dancing. I almost didn´t notice he was undressing me, and have no idea how he got undressed too, without ever stop kissing me. He laid me down, whispering  the words of a song I know well. His voice was a caress itself and every breath was a step foward to paradise. I was totally surrendered to the point I felt something really different when he came into me. Not that anxiety I always felt, nor that urgency in having our sweaty bodies together, and sure not that tremendous feeling when they suddenly get apart after an overwhelming orgasm. It all happened as if the whole world stood still just for that moment. All I could hear was his voice and the soft sound of the rain outside.


I opened my eyes and he was looking at me. I felt a tear rolling down, I don´t even know why. My body was satisfied, but my heart was even more fulfilled. I felt warm inside as if praying for that moment to never end...

No matter how much sex we have, making love always feels like the first time.

Life sucks, my friend..!

Truly it kinda disgusts me when I see an ugly, poor and bit megalomanic guy facebooking about how women should look, behave, wear and think to deserve to be admired by him.
You have the right to think that girls nowadays might be too vulgar, fake or shallow. You don´t want to lower your standards, that´s okay.
Just don´t expect the lousy women you know to do the same and end up involved with a guy like you.

So intelligent, romantic, faithful...and butt ugly as hell.

Open smoke

So yesterday was truly lame. I had a ton of things to do and not a single one worked out. Well, actually ONE did, after I insist a lot and that almost cost my sanity: got the last settlements for my Lonelymoon done, now it´s only a matter of waiting.

Then, after this whole fucked up day I went to the tobacco shop, bought two of my favourite cigars, cigarettes, aromatics for the narghile and went home in order to try to blow my lungs off. In despite of all the efforts I couldn´t even get a sore throat, but my head wasn´t working at all, and I´ll blame it on my poisonous narghile. I´m actually glad I didn´t have the brilliant idea of coming here to post something. It could hurt even the ones who are already getting used to my complete lack of finesse. And I´m glad I didn´t drink either. Let´s just put things like this: when I´m in that kind of mood and have a drink, there´s a 88% chance of me turning into actions, phone calls or publishings a lot of stupid things that yesterday I was only thinking and laughing about. I´m not that kind of person that drinks alone in silence. I´m an out loud drunk.


Up to noisy embarassments.

What´s the point of tagging?

Sarcasmirony #1

Blogger inspirations

When I was searching for an image to illustrate the last post, he came to me and asked what the hell was I blogging about. I said it was an article on men´s estethics about nail care.

-What..? You´re such a dirty perv, you know...?- he blushed.
-You only say so because your hands are beautiful...the kind I´d allow to do me right now.

 I let go on the keyboards to hold his hands against my lips, sucking his fingers, keeping the eye contact. I love that expression: the blushing boy is loosing control. So am I.



Oh, yes....they do it better.

Fingering tips

Ok, guys, we know you don´t pay as much attention to your hands as we girls do, especially when it comes to the nails. I even know a few guys who actually give a damn about it : they clean, sand, even polish their nails. Never got to date any of them, though. Actually my ex used to bite his nails and that always made me crazy, for his fingertips were always rough and sometimes with some pointed corners that sure aren´t fun when it touches some very delicate and sensitive areas. Besides, that tiny, bitten, helmet-like nails sure don´t look sexy.

So, we appreciate if you take a good look at your hands and take a moment to considerate if they deserve to be laid anywhere before you try to get them into anyone you´re getting laid with.

 

That´s what one would call "sign language".

Stand up and shine!

I dunno...why am I ?

Gone hamalking.

The perfect porn

         I must say that I´ve been having a lot of trouble finding real good porn online. Of course I won´t pay for it, because there´s just too much people that would do that for fun, I truly don´t encourage people to do this for money. I mean, it´s okay to be a fucking exhibitionist, but money always ruins up what could be just a way of living of somehow.  Well, i´m not getting into this philosophy now, because I´m not in the mood for philosophy, I´m up for some porn.
         And since I couldn´t find anything really worth watching, I started to think how would a perfect porn be. I´ve seen a few great ones like Zazel, The Scent Of Love, but mostly they are poor-looking, bad plotted (when there´s a plot at all) or just boring.

        I´d make it a kind of romantic comedy somehow. I like love stories of people that have fun together - even when they disagree or fight. Could be a young couple discussing their fantasies, for example. This would give a perfect excuse for a clever dialogue and some excellent menáge scenes. They start the movie having an aftersex talking about fantasies and he´s ashamed to tell her he wanted to do with another girl.

       Scene: The girls start making out and he gets there watching. The wife makes the other girl as slave for her and her husband. After everybody is happy the husband kisses his wife and then tries to kiss the other girl and the scene ends up in a fight. Yes, this would totally break the mood, but wait...

      Another piece of conversation and the wife decides they should have a menage with another guy.

      Scene: The wife is somewhere fancy, dressed to kill, as a very rich and handsome guy approaches her, starts filrting and they both end up having some wild sex outdoors. A young man is watching the scene, and somehow he gets to join that. You can put it double and everything- the girl must act like a real slut. Note: none of the actors shall be the one who plays husband, for the scene will end with his indagation: "Wait a minute, where was I in this story?". And she would say that´s just too nasty thing to do with her husband...
       This could lead to another funny piece of "sex things we love our mates too much to try with them". This is the biggest relationship hypocrisy ever. Marriages are made of friendship and partnership even when it comes to sex, and must be one of the top things they like to explore together. If you can´t do, at least share your fantasies. It´s healthy, fun and nice....even when hard to judge.
      Of course my movie would end up with the nastiest, dirtiest, sexier girl-guy porn scene ever. I don´t mind it will be a one hour take at least. The couple could even start from a real fight- sometimes great fights ends up in great sex too. And I want real movie editors, at least three cameras and the best photography ever seen in a X-rated production. Watch and learn...

         And it would all end up in a love kiss.

And, truly...

...no one should name their daughter "Stiffany".

It´s offcial

I´m INSANE.

Magnet Man Stage

All the days will always bring the nights
All the ways our love will bring the lights
Smile and say you´ll be forever mine
Make me yours, a heartstar to shine
We walk alone on Earth
Together we can fly
We found a heaven here
Reach out and touch the sky
There´s nothing to be feared
We're going higher heights
Everything´s wonderful when you are near...
Should I dare to take the leap of faith
Dare to bet way more than I can pay?
Should I dare to trust in you..?

Light my fire

Only I know how much I fought against it. But there I was again, dressed in lace and silk, only one thought in my mind. I could almost hear his voice.

"You´re astonishing, my dear..!"

I closed my eyes, trying not to cry. He approached and touched my shoulders, as real as it can be.

"Go away."
"You don´t want me to leave."
"I need to."

He slided his hand through the side of my body, hugging my waist and slowly leaning his head to my shoulders. I went a step foward, freeing myself from the embrace. Didn´t turn my head, didn´t look at the mirror reflex. I didnt have to look anywhere to see his eyes. Never had.

"What´s wrong?"

I was. Desperately clinging to his lips I accepted the kiss and everything that came next. If regrets are to everybody, I´d have my share to mourn the rest of my life, but not that night. All I wanted was to get lost in his eyes, his skin, his touch, get all fucking torn apart by the huge sexual power he has over me. I could feel it against my thighs, my tights, my gosh..!

-Ma´am? Is everything fine in there? - the saleswoman asked from outside the dressing room.Reality calls.

"I´ll be out in a minute!"
"Did you like the nightgown? I can show you some other models."
"This one is fine, I´ll take it."

Mr. Red was gone. And left me wet, as always.

Who says there´s no EPIC FAIL?

Just because everybody is talking about it and I´ve been asked a few hundred times about my opinion on the Metal Open Air festival, here it goes: shit happens.
I consider myself an old school headbanger and I´ve been to shittier festivals all over, that in despite of all structural problems were kickass episodes, for we were up to anything as long as we could just dig the thrill of seeing and listening great live music. Nobody is expecting five-stars comfort, but when you fuck up with the music, that´s when we draw out the line.

 I´ve heard before that Brazil has the wildest audience and the lousiest organization of its great heavy metal scenario. A shame for a country that has given birth of such great bands as Sepultura and Claustrophobia. Hope soon the producers can make up with both the bands and their fans by giving Latin America a metal festival worth the greatness of the country.

Updating

Random rudeness

Okay, here are some of the things I want to say today. Read carefully. There might be something that specially interests you.


* "I´m sorry, dear, but he doesn´t love you. If you had ever been really loved, you´d know the difference. "

* "That´s not how you make money, and if you think you´re going anywhere in your career by doing like this, you´re making it very wrong. To be a good professional, the least you´ll have to do is your job. Get real, you´re too fucking lazy to be ambitious."

* "I regret to inform you that you´re not as beautiful as you think you are. And you´re truly a terrible person from inside. Actually I feel sad that society cherishes people like you that cares lots more about what money can buy than what heart can afford."

* "Go have some coffee or mints, for your breathe could easily kill a dragon."

* "You know what? I envy you, and not at all in a positive way. Not that I am unhappy with my life, but if I had half the opportunities you had, I´d be lightyears ahead now. Of you, inclusive."

* "It actually makes me laugh the way you think you scare me. I´ve seen ugliest monsters, I´m not afraid of you, baby..."

* "Put some clothes on, bitch."


Wait for updates soon.

Love,
            Hamalka

Sunless sunday

Ah..! The early morning coffee and venom to start a whole new week. Yes, I´m that kind of people who understands sunday as the first day of the week in despite of mondays. It just makes me feel better to think the week starts with a typical lazy day, instead of all that fucking  metropolis rush.

Again, I woke up feeling like throwing up some facts on some people´s faces. You know, it´s very hard to be sincere to the ones we love. People are just so touchy. I know how it sucks to have our self esteem smashed by other people´s thoughts on our lives, but come on!  It´s not a matter of personality: if I´m doing something wrong, I expect at least someone to care about it. What the fuck, friends are not just to drive you home when you´re too wasted to walk on your own feet.

It´s not a secret to any reader of this shit that this sex dry spell is driving me sick and that I just have too many issues to just go there and fuck the first lucky bastard that crosses my way. Afterall I´m not a real bitch, just a regular girl who gets angry sometimes, and likes to masturbate a lot.

Cold surprise

There´s nothing worse than being absorbed by your work, and when you distractedly reaches to your coffee cup and takes a sip, you find out that it´s freacking cold. This is worse than a soft dick in the middle of the best sex of your life.

Ok, I´m exaggerating.

Fuck that feeling again...

Theater of Tragedy

These past two days were torturing indeed. I hate office-working. Actually, everytime I am at the office I´m hardly working. In fact my only solid effort in there is trying not to kill my damn noisy colleagues and maybe do one thing or two of the thousands I was supposed to be doing. It´s a room with, like, 30 young, pretty, scented and fucking nonstop talking girls and two very handsome guys - one of them is the "big boss". I´m not the oldest and sure ain´t much older than the average there, but I have this annoying impression that I´m not at a  working place, I´m at a fucking school full of teenagers that goes to the toilet in groups to talk about how sexy the teacher is.

But wait, it gets worse: my boss is sure cute, but so is the devil. Everytime he comes to me with that sweet look upon his face, I can hear his thoughts and I know he wants to fuck me - in the worse non-sexual meaning. On that business, they give you all the rope you want, so you can hang yourself at will. In practice, it works like that: they will delegate you a lot of responsabilities and make you feel important, but the first time you screw things up, you´re out. It´s challenging.

Just not as challenging as keeping my sanity living like that.

I don´t

Why?

When you just can´t help it, have some wine and some Beatles in equally titanic proportions.
I´ll sure sink at some point. But until that, I´ll have a blast out of a trip.

Спасибо!

Я хотел бы поблагодарить всех просмотров страниц из России. На русском языке.
Это Россия сосет переводчик позор Google.

Whatta..?

I had quite a strange day today. From the moment I (didn´t) open my eyes (and woke up late as hell) everything went so catastrophically wrong that at some point I yelled out loud (yes, there´s no other way to yell, I know) and scared the hell out of my mother. And probably, the neighbours too. But I don´t mind them: they all know how twisted I can be sometimes. Yeah, I´m a proud member of the local "Addam´s Family". Come check this out.

 I was pretty sure I´d get fired today. I had that feeling from my first contact with the guy who´s leading the project I´m part of. I had for sure he hated me. Not in a personal way, of course. But he wasn´t in the mood to have someone like me in his team. And I definitely wouldn´t want to work with him, but that´s what will pay for my Lonelymoon. So, I sure don´t want to get fired.

The guy was obviously putting a huge effort on the purpose of driving me nuts. I censored the graphic description of every little torturing minute there, but in the end of the day he finally came to talk to me about what we were supposed to had been talked ages ago.

And at some point we realized we lived only few meters away for some time in a very distant place. I mean: very distant. From both our homelands. That was sure the "Master WTF" of the week...After that, things got way better somehow. Even my professional point of views were better accepted from that moment on.

Empathy. It operates miracles and is the key to any doors.

This conversation is *not* over

-Hello?

-Hi. It´s me again.

-Hi! How are you?

-Horny. I desperatedly need you to fuck me right now. Come in a hurry and leave if you can. I´m up to fulfill your innermost secrets desires and explore each cell of your skin to show you pleasures that you never knew possible and delight myself all through the night and the days by pleasing you, sir..!

-Come on, you know I can´t.

-No, I don´t know... What are you afraid of?

Oops, I did it again..!

I lied to someone very dear to me. But only because I didn´t want to break anyone´s heart in saying what I really think about the situation. The point is that I couldn´t tell the truth that she wouldn´t stand: the guy she has a crush on is definitely no beauty. No sexy. No cute. No...nothing!! (okay, maybe smart as hell, couldn´t tell *rhyme allert!*), but still...just in looking at him, I think she sure could come up with something way better than that.
Ugly people, please forgive me, but beauty is an essential... I won´t be no hypocrite in saying that "love is blind" and stuff like that, because the point is that everyone knows by experience (unless is a very young person, and in this case get the fuck outta here before your mom notices) that when we´re in love we just tend to see the positive facts about the loved one, and this extend to her/his looks too. For example: if your dick is big enough, I sure won´t notice your beer belly. So, part of being in love is also actually believing you´re seeing beauty, not just responding to your sexual hormones discharge dellusions.

C´mon, girl, you´re not perfect, but definitely should enjoy better what shall turn back into dust. I dunno about you, but I like it with lights on.

And mirrors.

The problem is not that my job sucks. The problem is it BITES.

It´s already bad enough when you have a whole day ahead full of stuff you don´t want to do, but have to. Fortunatedly for me these days comes eventually, and I get to plan it from the start to do everything in a nonstop roll and be able to count the minutes ´til all that crap is over, but...sometimes it just doesn´t work.
Mainly because some other people´s schedule didn´t.  That´s what I hate most in team working with people for whom I have no empathy. I can´t even say anything, because I don´t know how to approach someone who personally means nothing to me and thank them for fucking up my day. It´s nothing personal, it´s just a job. I don´t want you to hate me because of this, and believe me, I´m putting a huge effort in not hating you for the same reason.
I might be way too out-fashioned, but I truly believe that good team effort involves emphaty. And this is something that takes a little personal involvement to develop. But at the same time, corporate environments doesn´t encourage personal relationships. In fact it seems that they do anything to create a very particular, controlled kind of relations that I dislike a lot even because I can´t really understand. I´m way too sincere to live like that. That´s why I always end up being me at some point.

And that´s when I have to look for another job.

Maybe daddy is right afterall. I should give everything up and go sell healthy sandwiches at the beach. At least I could work in a bikini and no one would question my morals because of that.

Yeah, I´ve heard that before

Actually it was more like "Love is like handing someone else a gun pointed to your head, and believing she or he won´t pull the trigger". Great wisdom, indeed. I couldn´t find a better definition for love yet.

I can handle being aimed, but it seems I´m developing a bullet allergy. Been avoiding guns.

Though it´s hard to get rid of the electric blanket when I´m this cold.

I´m not going out tonight

I thought we were friends..!

The other day I read somewhere the following: "The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy." That´s so true. But it´s also true that sometimes it doesn´t take such a nasty behaviour as betrayal for someone to disappoint us.

I don´t think it´s funny that nowadays I don´t feel as shocked as I once felt when I knew I was betrayed by someone I trusted. I actually think it´s sad. I wish I could still think that people are not mostly like that, but I can´t. I don´t think they are all like that either. I just think that people who are lucky enough to have good friends, sincere love and fellowship just might not know how lucky they are.

I wish I could only be someone life´s love... I wish I could only be princess on some prince´s fairytale...

But I know I am only Hamalka.

Dirty, broken, divorced, fucked-up Hamalka Who Cares.

Way to go, me!

About apple pies and drunk grocery with your parents

Just for you to know and envy, yesterday´s lunch was a bliss. We went to this healthy vegetarian food restaurant, of course I have been as healthy as nuclear waste, but that was pretty good for a change. Here is what a non-fat, low-sugar, fiber-rich dessert looks like

These are apples cooked in wine, covered with chopped nuts, grains and fibers. My new favourite afterlunch pleasure.
 After that I came home and there was nobody in the house, so I decided to open a bottle of wine and share some thoughts with myself, waiting for Mr. Red to show up at some point, but instead, my parents showed up to take me to grocery shopping. I was already slightly drunk. Ok, maybe too drunk to face grocery shopping with my folks. What to do, now? I couldn´t just make up an excuse, so I went: it was the funniest grocery ever, and I ended up buying a lot of unecessary stuff just because that´s pretty much me: when I get drunk I get rich,too. Since I wasn´t at a bar and couldn´t buy my friends another round of beer, I went to the department section of the store and bought everything I thought I will need at some point later this year.

Why save money? I bet the Mayans were right. This world won´t survive December 21th.

Fuck, he knows me so..!

Me: :*
Him: You´re drunk.
Me: How do you know?
Him: All these years that I´ve know you, you never started the conversation with a kiss unless you are intoxicated.

Suddenly feminist

Way to go, me!

I fixed this blog´s comments form all by myself, without any tutorials. I rule!
Fucked the layout, though...

Holy fuck, Batman!

If anyone´s going to Thailand and feels like trying this motel suite, I´m available.

Typical saturday

Well, good morning earthlings! Ready for one more day of fun and temptation with your favourite host, Ma´am Hamalka and her naughty misconceptions of life indeed? So lean back and fasten your seatbelts, the journey is about to begin in 3...2...1...

So the cursed day ended without big news. I haven´t done anything more or less useful than usual, nor big deal happened, anyway. Had two or three specially funny moments, a stressful second and my daily dosis of weird supernatural insight. This only happens when I´m out of medication, though...

It´s about 9 a.m, I´m here considering if I should have a cigarette or another cup of coffee, or both. For the sake of my health I should have none. And since I´m too lazy to go get the coffee downstairs, and too hesitating in sacrificing my body for such a futile pleasure as smoking, I am just keeping my hands and mind occupied with this writting.

Today I´m meeting a friend who I haven´t seen for more than 8 years or so. I first met her on the first day of the weirdest days of my life, back in early y2k´s. She´s one of these people we met once and are forever connected to. I truly believe that "kindred spirits" are not just about romantic relationships.
I expect this to be a really nice afternoon...

Unless it rains hail again, for we chose an outdoors restaurant to meet. That, baby, would just be my typical saturday 14th luck.

Gotta get down on Friday 13th

Wide awake for a whole new day of adventures being just plain Hamalka-me. Again, I´m smoking before 7 a.m . Well, I wouldn´t think it´s weird if I was still at a bar or something, so I guess I shouldn´t worry about this kind of conventions. I knew a guy who was so alcoholic that on saturdays, from the time he wakes up he keeps on watching the clock, waiting for 10 o´clock so he can have a beer. Even when he´s home alone he does so, for he strongly thinks that what makes you an alcoholic or not, it´s the fact you have beer or not before 10 a.m .And, believe me, this guy is no teenager, and looks pretty sane and wealthy to society. Hes a very well succeeded businessman, father and husband. And alcoholic. But who´s to say so?


Today, things are going to be little different here, because we´re going through this changes and there´s a schedule to run. But still I hope I can come up with you guys later to shitty - chat a little bit more. This blog is part of my daily mental hygiene: as necessary as to brush my teeth or wipe my ass every now and then.

So, let´s get it started with some music to cheer up my day. I´m kinda in love with this song, so I´ll share this sweet piece of melody with all you folks that might be in need of some positive message.




Not that I had figured any fucking word of the lyrics nor bothered to know them...

Have a nice bad luck day!

Fucking migraine

I hate having a headache. Having a migraine is all I didn´t want for post-Easter. But okay, tomorrow is Friday 13th, it´s usually my lucky day. Or not.  I used to think it was, even because I got engaged on a Friday 13th. I used to think he was the love of my life, also. The kind of mistake we only can afford once. Maybe twice. I hope not.

Today was a very mystical day too. Had a lot of great enlightments from above. I just hope this time I can make some of this wisdom useful. I´m very good in fucking up things just because I´m too lazy. I used to wonder where would I be right now if I had done this, if I had done that, but as well said by one: "´ve has never done any good for anyone, as far as I know". Me neither.

I know what I´m up to from this moment on. One step at a time.

´til I fucking roll down the stairway.

Must say

Just for the record, I´m not watching porn.
But I just saw something that turned me on so hard, if I was a guy I´d probably get some trouble hiding what came to my mind right now.

Maybe it´s not the lack of sex that makes me sick. It´s the excessive thinking about it that grants me this condition.

Meet the man of my dreams

It doesn´t matter how he looks or acts to the world, he´s all heart inside and knows what really matters.
He has a great taste for music and works his bright intelligence to be the best in what he´s doing.
No hair, but that´s okay as long as he has a big dick.

And that´s a conclusion I could never get to expect from a G- rated movie.
I hope.

Getting started

Hell - o !

So here I am again, for a whole fun-filled day of work. And today I sure hope I can actually do something. I´m better mooded than yesterday for sure, and I promise myself I won´t waste any time with porn. I expect this to improve my creative production in at least 300% or so.
Actually I just read an article that says alcohol helps on creative jobs (though any young musician could had said the same without all the academics), I´ll stick to pure orange juice for now. Maybe after 7 a.m, if I ain´t still getting anywhere, I shall consider a morning schnapps for the sake of my job.

To the laureals and the glory!

An Earlyautumn´s Night Dream

That´s a thing you guys will probably never know, but one of the worst things about cold weather is that our nipples hurt. Even if they´re perfectly covered, if my hands are freezing, it feels like my nipples are freezing too. And this is seldom a good sensation.

I´m closing today´s job with a blue note of who could had done better. Couldn´t get rid of this blue feelings. I need to get laid. I mean, really get laid, not having this stealthy late at night dates with Mr. Red under the covers.

Well, actually we´ve been more together in the shower, lately. I should had this idea earlier today also and had a shower with Mr. Red in the morning, before start working. That would sure had made my day a little brighter at least. I shiver only in remembering the soft touch of his skin....

...or maybe it´s the damn cold weather outside that is giving me the chills. Should be, for now. It´s not past 10 p.m yet , so no bedtime story for you, naughty..!

Although for me it works the well said... "With great sex, comes great responsability..!" And I´m not talking about getting someone pregnant here. I´m rather trying not to get married.

Unless Mr. Red asks me again.

#@$%&*$ !!!

This is not for underaged

I´m starting to think that this blog was a pretty bad idea. I started that so I could have a place to write my mind without worrying about the kids and teens that know me from real life and like to read the stuff I blog. The point is that I don´t want any teenagers or even my own kids later on knowing they have an adult around who´s such a damn bad example from inside. And I sure as hell don´t want my friends to be thinking I´m teaching their kids to take a ride on the dark side. This is a privilege only stupid adults should have, duh.

But if any of you kids and teens managed to find your way to this blog and is able to figure this out, screw you too, you sure are grown up enough to deal with the fact ´lil auntie here also have her bad hair days and likes to get wasted every now and then, when there´s nobody around to see. Wanna know something? Never hide. Do all the teenage shit you wanna do in front of most people you can, because soon you´ll be an adult and won´t have any other excuses to act as if the world would end up tomorrow.

I hope it doesn´t. I didn´t get the outfit for the occasion yet.

Letting it out. Or so

Yeah, I know I should be working. I´m not, so fucking what? I was doing so from dawn to now, I think I deserve a break from that jobby thoughts.

I must confess that my job is making me bit down these days. Let´s say I work for Happy Inc. , where everything is supposed to be sweet, happy and perfect, pink and blue and cottom balls. You probably got that figured right. So, it´s a pretty nice and easy work to do when I´m light-mooded, but it can be the worse job in the world when I´m feeling like I am now. Anything but sweet and candyful. I´m actually half pissed off, half suicide sad and frustrated as a whole. And to keep on insisting in doing my job in a mood like that will certainly make me bipolar (as if I wasn´t already). I don´t want to be happy right now, I don´t need to, I don´t feel like it and I WON´T.  It´s my fucking blog anyway, and you´re just a click away from closing it and go mind your own business.

No worries, it will go away. But until them I have to take good care not to kill anyone in the process.

Gone fishing. Or fisting. Whatever.

Lesson learnt:

The most life makes sense to me, the less sense I make to people.

Never a cheap trick

Present from the past

Not even seven in the morning, I´m smoking and drinking coffee (real coffee). That´s a very healthful way of starting a wednesday...
I´m also facebook chatting with a friend I haven´t met for 10 years and with whom I share quite an interesting story of a lifetime. That made me think a lot. Ten years is a very significant period when it´s right from 20s to 30s. It sets a stage, closes a cycle. I-cycle.
Yes, I grew up a bit, or a lot if you prefere. It doesn´t matter since there will always be more to learn than we possibly could in just a lifetime. I like the way things went afterall - could be worse- and I did live a lot of things some people spend their whole lifes just dreaming about. But right now tastes like 10 years ago. Not only because I met this friend who inspired me these memories, but I have been living this decade flashback through quite a lot of some other people and situations.

This kind of weird stuff happens a lot to me: Déja vu´s and premonitions, and this creepy clear sensation of knowing exactly where things are going, or finding in the past the exact point where the present started. I hate talking about this because that makes me sound all fucked up in my mind. It shouldn´t, since for absurd it may sound, I am an spiritualized person. But what I found is that even among quite religious people, most people just think I´m dellusional or kidding. But in every of these crazy moments of my life, I was never alone, what I am thankful for that. I guess that if I had no friends to confirm some of the things I´ve been living through, I´d think myself as the biggest fucking liar ever.

I sure told a lot of stupid teenage lies in my life. And none of them where ever more interesting than the true real life stories I can tell any of you. - And I know many of you can tell about me. I feel a very strong connection with most people who are important part of my life now, and with most of them I shared one of this stories. I´m just plain me, but I´ve been less than 5 meters away from the president of the United States - and this is just the dumbest exeample I could find of weird situations I end up into. I´ve been among leaders and exceptionally talented people, I´ve made friends that not all the gold in the world would replace, I´ve met incredible people and places I didn´t even know that exist - and I´m wonderfully thankful for that. I wish I could even write their names here, few they are , but I won´t for privacy matters. Any of them who read this will know who they are. I like to think I am good doing "in jokes" and in making myself open to anyone and clear to those who know me.

And if you don´t, what the heck are you doing here..?

Low tide

Since I had no bachelorette party and my honeymoon was a trip to hell, I think it´s about time for me to start thinking about a "divorcedlorette" party and start planning a hell out of a trip. Fuck what everybody thinks, girls just wana have fun and so do I. Life´s too short for waiting and I don´t want it to end while I´m standing in the line to be happy. It might never get to be my turn.

I had a boring productive day. Productive because it was borning, actually. There was so little else to do that I prefered to sit my ass in the office all day long, working.

                                       If there´s an e-card on that, at least I know I´m not alone.

First rule: I rule!

Today I was talking to a very close and dear person, when she said I should look for a therapist, that would help me with my self esteem.

Excuse me, but did she just said I have self esteem issues?

Actually, she´s not that wrong. I had pretty bad self esteem issues. Just got divorced from them.

F.G.I.M - You can figure this out by yourself

I knew I couldn´t be wrong that this day would go wrong from the start. I was woken up by late-night o´clock in the fucking morning, by a friend that came from other state and got lost on her way back to the airport. The point is that I live in a goddamn metropolis , and I´m not familiar with the airports whereabouts, since I only go there when needed - it´s more than 25 kilometers away, or so, in the middle of nowhere, when I have pretty much everything I could wish for in a two blocks distance or so.

Well, everything but peace and tranquility. Even in my room. I should remember to turn off the cell phone before I go to sleep.

I was planning to go back to my luscious wet dream with Mr. Red, but then again, my phone rang. My job seldom calls this early, and when it does, that´s because something really big (and bad) happened. Well, something really big (and bad) happened. Today. It had to be today.

After getting all ready to an important business event (a.k.a kicking some sorry asses at the office) I went all the way there (everything is fucking faraway when there´s so much traffic in the streets that you just go 1st to 2nd gear all the time) just to realize that things were worse than I expected and I had nothing else to do but give the whole day as lost and get ready not to loose tomorrow aswell. So, after a quick meeting I went all the way back to my office where a big goddamn personal problem was waiting. Way to go..!

Now I remember why I hate mondays.

Monday Mourning

The worst kind of monday are these following a long holiday, like easter. Specially like it was this one: wild as my life haven´t been for over 5 years by now. Not that I got wasted and sang " We Are The Champions" on the pool table of a sideroad bar, or something. But I did drink, dance and was awake for more than the usual. On saturday I went to a friends place when I enjoyed a whole evening of feasting and games. My host dished me with Goldschläger, a swiss cinnamon liquor with actual gold flakes on it. Half an hour later, I was a goddess of that 30-floor modern Valhalla.

I got home with the first sunlight, but still didn´t go straight to bed. I was feeling inspired and went on working on some of my projects for another two hours or so. Smoked a few cigarettes, had a couple of coffee cups, and that started to get absurd, for soon I´d have to leave and meet a friend for lunch. Then I decided to go to bed and play with my sex toys until I get tired enough to pass out. A shame I have no sex toys, and sure as hell, no playmates.

Just the old threesome: Mr.Hand, Mr. Red and me.

Tip of the news:

Sexual hunger

I dunno why, but I´ve been feeling way too horny these days. Well, actually I do know why: I haven´t been having sex since my marriage went to hell and it´s been forever ago. I decided that since I am older, wiser and sure way better in some tricks and treats about sex, even my vagina deserves to be selective. Happened that sex turned out to be something so complicated in my life that I decided I could do perfectly fine with my imagination and Internet. You wouldn´t believe in the things you can find online. This boring blog is just the very tip of the iceberg.

I like porn. I don´t know and I don´t mind if it´s common taste for girls, but I do. I can watch that for hours and I will always find something that turns me on. And I´m not going too bionasty on that. I like overage guy-girl sex in pretty much all variations. Not into violence, but excited about bondage as a game play. In real life, as many girls I know, I have pretty strong sentimental issues about sharing my guy with other girls - stronger actually than the idea of just me with a girl. I looooove romance. But with sex makes a perfect relationship.

Thing is that right now I don´t have either romance nor sex. I do have someone that turns me on: his name is Mr. Red, my immaginary sex friend, and he lives only in my mind.

Yes, I had deep immaginary friends issues when I was a kid which I never overcame, so don´t be so admired that now I have an immaginary sex friend. He´s handsome, he´s intelligent, he´s extremely fucking sexy , he has a huge dick and sure knows how to use it. He´s everything a girl would want and he´s all mine in my mind - while old Mr. Hand takes care of the body effort.

I don´t intend to turn this into a freaking erotic blog, but I´ll probably talk more about my adventures with Mr. Red later, when I´m all fullfilled with liquor candy and can´t find nothing really exciting on porntube. But for right now, better stop here. I don´t want to scare away the ghosts that are reading my blog.

Rabbit didn´t come easy

Today was quite a fun day for a change. Early morning I went to meet my friend and we wandered the whole downtown area, taking pictures as if we were just crazy tourists or something. Everybody was staring at us, but we couldn´t care less. We even started to speak in tongues in the restaurant we were having lunch with some other friends - and we amazingly got to make everyone embarassed.

Easter holidays are over and I didn´t get a single chocolate egg. Screw that damn bunny, anyway, unless he brings me something else than chocolate to wipe this fucking blues away.

Small talking

When you live in a great city, it´s very easy to be invisible. There´s so many people going everywhere everyday, that they mostly don´t bother looking in each other faces, even if they see it all the time.

I was riding a bus on my way home. The same I ride almost everyday, and just today I noticed that even though there´s a lot of people that meets at the same bus stop every morning and rides long distances, sometimes even side by side, only the elderly people still bother starting a conversation. Younglings are mostly always with headphones on when they´re by self. And they´re right: life sure does seems better with soundtrack. Specially because this bus-talking almost always sucks big time: soccer, tragedies, violence, politics, soccer, stupid TV shows, some celebrity scandal, soccer, a little bit of world crisis an, of course, the soccer crisis.

Soccer my ass..!

Lesson Learnt:

Welcome Home

It´s always great when you work like a slave for almost 36 hours straight, and then when you finally get home and think that now you´ll have time to rest, you have a lot of little everyday problems to annoy you. This is quite a common complaint among the married ones, but sure a problem when you live with your parents. And it completely sucks when you´ve once been married, but now are back to your parents.  The worse part is when I arrive home with the first rays of sunshine after a night of fun and have to listen to all my mom´s recommends as if I was still a teenager.

Moms are always moms. I know mine loves me, but come on...this is pretty hard thing to face when you´re miles beyond from wasted and meters away from a warm shower and a cosy bed.

Fun Freaking Fucking Me

Nothing but me. My everyday life and stuff. Nothing to get too much openeyed at. I just decided to start that because I know there´s people out there who still care and dare to think "What the fuck happened to this girl, afterall?"
Well, nothing fucking happened to me, but the fact that getting old made me start saying "fuck" a lot. Maybe because now I´ve done enough sex to really know what the fuck is fucking about. Or what the fuck is to fuck about. Or whatever, fuck this shit. It´s almost 6 a.m and I´m still up, trying to start a blog, go figure...I must be drunker than I thought.

Yeah, I am. So fucking what?