Cum or die.

     Been a long time. But I don't remember promising I'd never post again...nor that I would post more often, of anything. Things change. My life is far from that kinda bored little girl I was.

    But then something interesting happened, and I feel like it's a story worth registering here, just for the hell of it.

    I've been under psychiatric help for a while now, to cope with the anxiety and ridiculous panic attacks I've developed. Although I really wouldn't want to have any "mind-controlling" drugs, Can't say its not helping, at least with these time of pandemics....

    Well, the Doctor put me then into a new substance, a selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. An antidepressant, so to say. Well, somehow this thing must help me dealing with the anxiety or panic.. but its said to provoke anorgasmia. If one can't guess what it means, it's when one is unable to have an orgasm, no matter how excited and stimulated.

    Big deal. I'm quarantined at home with my family, in a house with no privacy to the point that if I turn on a vibrator at night, someone will hear, and I don't doubt my mother to come see if everything's okay. It's obvious that even my solo sex life had become almost impossible. When things get way too hard to ignore, I might masturbate in the shower, but it's not that confortable.

    This picture given, here's the story: It was one of these days and I was burning from inside of sexual hunger. I totally needed to cum. Maybe I wasn't yet under the side effects of the medicine. Afterall, in fact, I hadn't feel that aroused in quite a long time. So I went to the bathroom, undressed, spreaded my legs and started touching myself, bringing some sexy thoughts to feed my imagination.

    I don't really recall what I was picturing, but it involved a hungry mouth eating my pussy and drooling it all over as I could clearly feel my pussy juices dripping through between my legs and wetting my asshole. I was soaked wet and could feel my swollen pussy as I fingered it. I was about to cum, and I could bet It would come as squirting...

...but indeed, no matter how close I was, I couldn't come.

    Bang! Of course my thoughts left the sexy context to question if that was the 'anorgasmia' effect, at last. But at same time it's obvious that this change of subject was cooling me down...And I didn't want to cool down, I wanted to cum. More than that: I NEEDED to cum. I would relax and go back to my fantasies and I'd cum. That whole anorgasmia thing was just a self-suggested thought. My mind's full of playing tricks on me. And I'm tired of falling for it.

    Still, for more than I was aroused and ready to explode, the fireworks wouldn't blast. And I kinda started to get anxious about it. And then I noticed that my heart was beating way too fast - was it the arousement or the medicine? Oh, well, I was so excited that I couldn't stop, I was determined to cum... But my heart was about to explode. That wasn't right.Maybe if I cum, I could have a heart attack. Oh, gosh, my arm is numb. Is it from the frentic rubbing, or am I having a stroke? Oh,my..! What if I die right here, outside the running shower, all spreaded and with a swollen red pussy. Damn my family would be ashamed. That wasn't normal. I wonder if guys who take Viagra ever think they might die of a cardiac arrest while fucking. That was pretty much what I was thinking, while I couldn't ignore the heatwave and the weird way that the tachycardia was actually making it somehow more arousing...

I came. Not as wonderfully as I thought it would come, but it sure brought the relief I was needing. In the next minute or two, all went back to normal. And I was feeling healthy and in a good mood.

Finally, I entered the shower.

    

Ah, by the way...

 ...remember that the challenge was to keep my pussy unpenetrated? Forget about, I've miserably lost it. Spent half the night sliding a dildo in and out my soaked swollen hot pussy. Didn't swallow it aaaall the way inside, but deep enough for cumming like crazy.

I wonder how many seconds I can hold before cumming with a real dick inside me.

Twisted Old Lady

Apparently I've been writing here for quite a long time already. Sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on the urge. But I always end up coming back here. Call it faithfulness...

I don't think I've lost much for not having as much sex as I'd prefere to, so far. Being a picky bitch is quite worthy, even for self-esteem purposes. But by this age I've noticed I should be even more sincere to myself about my fantasies.

First and most controversial one, probably, is that I have a serious 'bromance' fetish. If I see gay men kissing, that doesn't affect me at all. But if I see this kind of sexy interaction between hetero men, this totally soaks up my panties. And I hadn't really try pegging, but I've found out that I'm totally up for it.

Plus, I'm not into eating other girl's pussy, but I don't mind if it's a man or a woman eating mine. I've had menáges with multiple women and one man, but never had more than one man on me...and would be quite a plus if I'd get to see some 'brotherly love' in action.

It's friday. September 11th. Covid-19 quarantine. I'm home-officing and in the middle of worktime. Not even 9:30 a.m. And I'm seriously thinking about getting fucked and sharing some cocksucking with my sexy inspiration.

Damn, I'm wet.

Can't challenge such a dirty mind.

 Humans are so interesting, and my experience is not different. Like, I've probably spent over a month without playing with my pussy at all, between July and August. But just one attempt of fullfilling a #NoFapSeptember challenge, and then comes this desperate urge to cum, mind fills with dirty fantasies and these thoughts haunts my mind all the time, even in dreams.

Last night I had to cum hard at least twice before sleeping. Had one after waking up soon before dawn and now it's approaching 30 minutes to noon and had to take a relief again after remembering this smoking hot and senseless dream I had...

I can't really remember which was the occasion, but there was some big party going on: people were well dress but enough to go to a fancy rock bar or so. I was in a corner of one of the porches with my avec, we were talking about life philosophy or some other kind of weird stuff we like to discuss as friends. And then came this guy carrying and obviously drunk girl to the couch. Both are laughing and looking happy.

As the girl was so drunk and so was the guy, they just fell onto the couch in a funny position. They laughed and she says she's comfortable, to what the guy answers "Well, it's comfortable for me, too!", and they remain on that position, he was pretty much sitting spread and she was leaning on him, her head on his lap, facing up.

 A guy came by, friend of the other two. I can't recall the conversation exactly they've had, but it was friendly talk. And then, out of nothing, the girl spreaded her legs and asked the newly came:

-Come here, lick my pussy.

He was surprised:

-What?!

-Come here..! - she whines - I'm so horny, but I'm too lazy for fingering now... Lick my pussy, make me cum.

The friend whom she was leaning on reached for her skirt and pulled it up: -She means it, bro: look at her pussy..!

-Should we leave them in privacy..? - I asked my Mr., but he made a gesture to keep quiet and wait.

I felt my heart beating faster as I kinda couldn't believe that was actually happening: the big guy simply too the girls panties off and started sucking her pussy as if it was a juicy fruit. She was laughing and moaning, as her friend on the couch kept watching and having a beer, as if there wasn't anyone else around nor anyone could come to the porch at anytime.

And that was precisely what happened, some people showed up, but got kinda embarassing and left. A small group of people started to watch from a distance. I wasn't that distant, but by then I understood that they didn't care at all if there were people watching. I was kinda envious of that freedom of spirit, of getting a huge tongue deeply going into your spread open pussy, in front of anyone that would be there to see.

My pussy was soaked, and I unconsciously started to rub my butt against my escort's cock. I could feel it throbbing from under the underwear and pants. Should I also ask him to make me cum..?

The girl on the couch wasn't laughing anymore, just moaning in pure delight, one could guess her level of relax by looking at her laid body given to pleasure on her friends's arms. His hands helped keeping her legs and pussy spread, as the other guy kept eating her deep and loudly.

I felt two fingers sneaking to under my dress and into my panties. I move my hips against them, silently begging for being fucked. The feeling of that fingers banging in and out my pussy was hardly a relief, but in fact a tease.

For a moment, I almost forgot what was going on on the couch: The girl had already pulled a rockened-hard cock to outside her friend's pants and it was jerking and licking it from balls to top while both guys squeezed her boobs freed from her cleavage. I was hoping the guy working on her pussy would fuck her with her cock. Or at least finger her asshole while he was eating her.

Unfortunately my dream didn't go on much further than that. I wasn't fucked, nor her. I woke up soaked, at the urge of having my body filled with dick. Bud didn't reach for any toy...I just rubbed my pussy until I came in a very long and wet orgasm, feeling the juice drips from pussy all the way through between the legs and soak the sheets from a blinking glossy ass-button.

So, apparently I couldn't keep too much time from masturbating... but maybe I should try counting again for how long I can take without getting my pussy penetrated...

#NoFapSeptember

Failed miserably

Just as mostly every other expectation for 2020.