Saturday, September 29, 2012

About sex, love and bacon.

Again, I'm feeling stressed. Again, comes to my mind the thought I should have some sex: what would sure not solve any of my problems, but at least discharges the inner tension. And I don't even know if this is actually what I need. After my divorce I managed to spend, what, eight months without sex. Gee, I didn't even had a date, a kiss, nothing. And I survived pretty well.
So, I thought after I had some (!!) sex afterall, I would relax and even open up for other partners, but in fact is what happened was the complete opposite of that. I don't even bother thinking of other guys, since I know from experience no one else would give me the thrills as my favourite does. If you read  "The true story of how I became a woman" post, you might think that's why I'm feeling like this, but looking at the background story as a whole, I now think that I should had expected for that. Just that at some point, I was pretty sure it would never happen. As I was pretty sure I would never meet him again. Happily, I was wrong in both cases.

You can have great sex without being in love. You can really enjoy lousy sex, if you are in love. But when you're having great sex with the one you love deeply it's just a mystical experience. Each touch, each part of the skin, each sensation, sound, taste and colour of it is delightful. Every breath is a remarkable moment, and the orgasms are so unforgettable that I remember it all - and when I do, my body reacts. Then, at the same time I'm urging for this and I'm refusing to get frustrated in having his scent off my skin by something that it's not what I'm craving for.
I used to feel pretty naive in saying this. And I was made fun of so many times because of my sexual faithfulness, that I found the ultimate argument: It's like when you are craving for bacon. You know chocolate is good. Chocolate is great, and I can hand you the best piece of chocolate ever, and you may eat and enjoy it, but it won't fulfill your craving for bacon. You can go to the best buffet of the world and get to have as much as you can of the most delicious and diverse foods of the universe, but if they offer anything but bacon, for better than it is, it won't make you satisfied. And even the artificial bacon-flavoured stuff won't help. So, why bother?
Let's pretend I'm on a diet, then. Until I get bacon, or I starve.
Who knows, I might be in need of loosing some pounds.

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