Hiding highs

Saturday at home. Don't feel like going anywhere, so I´ll probably spend the night online, smoking and writing bullshit I know I'll never read. I was actually thinking about removing my old blog from the internet, but I guess I´m not doing that. Let it rot by itself, if I never feel like writing there again. Problem is that everybody who reads that knows who I am, and I feel more confortable now writing almost anonymously like I do here. Of course there are few readers who know me here, but they are the few privileged ones for whom I should have nothing to hide, for they respect me, even me being this unrespectable lady sometimes. C'mon, maybe I´m human. I have a lot of shit in my mind every now and then, just like you.

I was talking to some girl friends the other day, about this other blog I used to write when I was younger and (very) naive. It was a kind of personal social magazine about  me and the people who were popular on our group by that time. I had this idea that would be fun to write trivia about people by then. Nowadays I think it´s just stupid. Tobias Sammet, a guy who sings on a band once twitted: "why would people be interested in what I had for breakfast?" Well, I have no clue, but fact is that they are. Specially if you are knowed.


Fangirls (and boys) are such an interesting phenomena. Yes, I´ve been through this stage myself. When I was a teenager there was no internet to browse, so I collected every piece of magazines and news I could about my idols. Madonna, Metallica, Rubens Barrichello, Ayrton Senna, The Backstreet Boys. Then came the on line living and I collected and printed a lot of stuff on Johnny Lang and Savatage. Then I kinda grew up on this, but was always browsing for stuff about people I was interested on: bands, musicians, actors and actresses.
But when social media came along, than I realized the funniest thing to do is to browse about my friends and anonymous people that are weird and no afraid to show it. In Youtube days everyone can be famous, if just really shameless. Or badly busted.
I am not a pop blogger anymore. Better this way. Once I went to this club, and I hadn´t been writting for a couple of years anymore, when two girls came and asked to take a picture with me. That was funny and stupid. Of course they didn´t read my blog to know about me, but about the people I used to hang out with. For them, I was privileged. For me, I was just a gossiper. As like, or even worse than that annoying people from TMZ or E! , since I was actually writting about people I mostly knew and were kind of friends with. What the hell was I thinking?


Well, time went by and though I decided to stop blabbing about other people´s lives I was stupid enough to blab about my own when I started dating a (very) local celebrity. Again, I have no idea what I had in mind. I thouhght It was a good thing to shout to the world about our love or something. "Hey, people, the guy is mine" was also an intended message, that of course went way wrong. Envy is a powerful poison, I guess, that comes invisibly to our lives. Good thing is that I learnt how to deal with anonymous harrassment and narrowed people blabbing as few. The bad part is that I got even more sure that the world in general is made of such a brand of idiots that sometimes I feel sorry I have to share this planet with them.
I´m happily not with that douchebag anymore, but still today his "fangirls" love to search my life, probably just to feel nice about how right they were in thinking I´m not worthy him. Way to go, bitches ! I just regret I didn´t listen to you before. I´m definitely worthy way more than that..!
 But if they can talk, so do I. And now I  write my stuff to sign "Miss I Don't Give A Fuck".For most of you don´t even know if I'm real, or some badass fat drunk old motherfucker avatar.

Go ahead and browse. I dare you to figure me out.