Dream Cam

Again I can't count the days since I last had my body cumming below or above someone else's. And last year was so busy that I didn't even have too much time to notice how much I was missing it.

Only after 2016 was finally past and I could rest for a few days in January, I started feeling 'back to life'. The peceful days on the coast exhausted my body, cleared my mind and made me healthier and hornier.

I open the social media page. I intend to send you a message.

"Hi. I've been thinking about you."

I'm thinking about how you look hot when fucking. The way your smiley, almost shy eyes get serious and intimidating. A solemn expression to your angel face shows that devil's taking control.

I've been thinking about your hands violently grabbing my boobs out of my cleavage, as if we didn't care for romance. Been thinking about your mouth sucking my nipples hard enough to make them sore while I deliciously feel my pussy being flooded with the juice of my craving for your fuck. Yeah, I've been thinking about you and how good you could pound my cunt right now.

Instead of typing the message, my fingers slid through my puffy pussy lips. I am so moist that it feels like I had already cummed a dozen times today. I want you to see that. I turn on the web camera. You're not online. On screen, only my mirrored image. The scene you should be watching. I pull down my panties, open my legs wide and expose my throbbing clit, being careful to hold still and close enough to the lenses, so you could see it growing red and bigger, as my thight holes are pulsating for some action. 

One drop of juice leaks out of my sobbing pussy, running down to my butthole. With one finger I rub the moist over my tiny hole.  I moan, because it feels so good. Another finger reaches inside. And comes out. Then back in. I get wetter and wetter: My pussy is begging to be touched, but I won't do it. Not now. My little fingers goes deep inside me, one by one. Just to tease. Almost torture.

I close my eyes to see you in between my legs, my hands tied up on my back while yours would explore my body. I feel the tip of your tongue working my clit and dream the finger stuck on my butt would be your dick actually, but I've decided these tiny fingers were not up to your hard meat, which I desperatedly need to have stuck into me. In my head, you blow me good while fingering both my holes. On the screen, I was just like any naughty slut shoving a sex toy to her pussy.

Totally shaved, I was rubbing a 40 centimeters dildo through my pussy lips, sliding it right in between them. If it feels this good in hard plastic or silicon, what to say about the real deal: a true cock, hard and proud, I was anxious to lick with my drooling cunt. The plastic toy had me guessing how deep you could bury your hard-on down my throat.

And all was getting registered: the slow fingering, the energetic rubbing, the sensual moves and the naughty 'menáge a moi'. On my knees, I hold the dildo between my feet and turn my back to the camera, looking for the best angle to be fucked from behind. Sitting hard on your imaginary cock, spreading my buttcheeks so you could worship the moment your boner goes all inside my ass as you slap my pussy.

Sweaty and panting and overly excited, I turn around and expose my breasts, tiny nipples so hard and sensitive it hurts. All my life I had locked myself in private to masturbate, but tonight it's an online show, cast to distant grounds in order to thrill an audience of one. And I was definitely feeling like a fuckstar.

An squirting orgasm exhausted my strength and expelled the dildo from inside me, along with a tidal wave of cum. Must confess I am almost proud I got that on film. The most impressive climax of my life. What a waste, I wish I was the one to squirt all over your face, for a change...

I turned the camera off and uploaded the video to send rightaway, without thinking much. Along, just a quick message to demonstrate my total honesty about such boldness:

"I miss you."

Keep cumming back...

Just one of these nights I start questioning myself if I'm a weirdo for not realy willing to call anyone out for a drink wherever. It's sunday evening and I'm home alone on a typical summer night.

Spent all day by the pool, testing mixes with all sorts of colorful tropical fruit and a fine vodka.  The hot weather was asking for some topless time. When the sun set, I could still feel its heat on my engoldened tanned skin.

One last shower before I can dress the white nightgown for a contrast. The fresh water comes down my body, and I can feel it in places I'd like to feel your touching. A physical memory that gives me shivers and hit me with a warm wave from inside.

The window is open, the moon is almost full. I can see only the shadows of the palmtrees on the front yard. With the lights out, no one can see me either. Hot as the weather that night, but even wetter, I let my fingers tease my pussy, wishing it were your hands to explore me.

It's not merely a fantasy, but the memories of the actual feelings what turns me on.  From the first time I could never forget how your skin feels like against mine. Your smell, your looks and moves, daaaaamn, for some reason no one had never turned me on the way you do : not before, nor after. But nobody's watching, so I'm the addicted bitch.  I dream of you feeding me with your rock hard cock as deep as you can reach as your tongue plays between my legs. Not even the coldest shower would cool me down by now.

How I love to ride you..! To see my pussy swallowing all your cock makes it wetter as deeper as it gets. I'll put my ass up to you and wait to be strongely grabbed from behind. And while you banged me in my immagination, I came so hard I'm sure I'd make you cum too, with the crazy shockwave that hit me again, with the memory of having you filling me up with a hot load..! 

I closed the shower. My legs were shaking and I had to wait a moment before walking to the room. But writing this all  made me feel all horny again. It's late o'clock and there's no hurry to sleep: I'm on vacations....

Ever since we said goodbye...

I feel like I'm at my best sexual shape ever. As a young adult, not only experience improved my skills, but also my consolidated self-assurance helped me feeling a lot more confident about everything involved in a relation, and the different meanings it may have for the persons sharing it.

Still, I miss that feeling. That heat that warms my heart and sets my pussy on fire at the same time. That urge of fucking while kissing, to cum eye-to-eye. The need of having you so deep and deeper as your cock can get in me. Lemme suck you slowly and intensly as I hear you moan. I'm so wet.

I'll softly slide my tongue between your legs: does it tickle? Do it louder this time, you have no idea how sexy it sounds. Tie me up if you please. I do. What happens next? Shove it hard. Red marks. Ruined make up.

Fireworks.

Deceit

She woke up after the long sleep that might had last a couple of days. She couldn't be precise, though.  Gave up trying. The weak sunlight through the windows could be of a sun rising or setting. She didn't have the slightest idea what day of the week it was. Lately, all days seemed pretty much the same.
The doctors said she was growing healthier everyday. "Bullshit" - she thought. They couldn't know that inside, her heart was still bleeding.

She tried once more to push the memories away, but happened that they would only come back stronger. The incredible excitement about having him near again after so long. He was coming at last. Coming for her. Her every day and night before his arrival was about preparatives to have everything perfectly set by the time he would step on her homeland again. She could already guess his shining eyes, his childlike smile, and this thought immediaely brought her an actual sensation of his warm embrace.

But reality was proven painfully different.

He didn't want her to meet him at the arrival. They met later at a crowded shopping mall, where he was in company of a friend that came along with him for the trip.

"Who brings a friend along for a romantic trip?" - her sister made notice. She had to ask her siste to take her to the mall in her car, because herself was too nervous to drive. And as she witnessed their cold first reunion, she decided to stay.

Her eyes welled up in tears as she struggled not to remember the rest of what was supposed to be a dream date. It was all blurry afterall. But she would hardly forget the much she cried when he didn't want to go with her, not invited her to stay with him. Even his friend, although a nice guy, didn't interfere not even when she humiliatingly tried to explain how long she waited to have time with him again. At some point, the two men sneaked out to the elevator and got lost from her. She was openly crying among the crowd of unknown people in the elevator, trying desperately to guess the floor they were, when her sister found her and grabbed her back to the cruel reality.

"Let's go. There's nothing left for you here." - she said and the truth of her words were deadly for her sister's will.

She was taken in silence to a hotel. Her sister wanted to make sure she would have enough comfort and distraction while digesting those bitter happenings of the morning. When her sister was gone, with the promise of picking her up by night, she expected to break up, but it didn't happen. She couldn't even cry. Took a wine from the mini bar to see if it would make her all emotional again, but no. So she stopped before getting drunk.

She needed to be sober. She needed to be real. She needed to know it was over. Once and for all.

Night was falling, and she knew she would be free by the next time her eyes would open for a new morning.

Boy, she was wrong.

Eternal Flame

I don't want to lose this feeling...

Confusing times...

#BFF

Finally, I'm embracing my social life back. Little by little, but I do have been meeting new people and making new friends that are more like me and my old self's lifestyle.  Not counting the privilege of still sharing adventures with some of the best company in the whole scenario.

Still it's funny to notice how also little by little, I started having dreams I've  never had before. And ever since I started the medication, my dreams are usually quite realistic. Well, I sure won't forget this one.

I was somewhere with Mr. Red and his best friend, in an apartment that seemed to belong to one (or all?) of us. We were drinking and I remember we were quite high and I was totally horny.

I was wearing a short and tight miniskirt, and decided to sit on Red's lap. But I was so sensitive that I immediately started rubbing my body to his. Of course I was willing to have dirty, noisy, messy sex with him. But for some reason, his friend wouldn't seem to leave, or we wouldn't move to the bedroom.

No idea how I ended up in that situation, but fact is that he started fingering me, and I was spreading my legs more and more. His friend was watching something on his i-phone screen, right at the balcony, and I was being totally fingerfucked in the living room. He could see us clearly from there, if he wasn't distracted by the phone.

I only remember flashes, like the moment I was riding Mr. Red's cock and his friend came to suck me at the same time. I get wet only in remembering the feeling when one of them started shoving one finger inside my ass. I woke up wet as a rainy summer, after "almost experiencing" the feeling of having my pussy sucked by a handsome guy while fucked by the sexiest of them all. Or when they both rubbed their cocks to my pussy and ass. They were also touching each other and this didn't seem to be a bad thing - what made everything even more arousing. I always had this thing about sexual contact between non-gay men. Sometimes it can be really, really, really hot.

Or I am just way, way, way too sick...

There were more remarkable moments before the alarm clock wake me up to reality: it's not raining, it's not summer, and I haven't been fucking not even my vibrator.

I'm disappointed...

Well, it's not big deal that I haven't been posting here, since I haven't been to much interested in Internet, anyway. I won't go into this deep shit that came to my life at some point, but fact is that I faced some medical situation and ended up taking a medication , that, according to that paper that comes along , it's supposed to lower my libido.

Well, I thought that it wasn't working like that, because I still feel full of libido, and all the time have these dirty thoughts in my head. Then I was thinking about getting fucked so hard that I would probably scream a lot, because I'm lousy as fuck (should be) and then, in my naughty nasty dream,  Mr. Red suggested a friend could help me keep my mouth shot and my arms locked, so I wouldn't hurt him or break my nails... He would only hold me, nothing else, no other kind of participation, but still... I have no idea why kind of sick thoughts are coming to my mind these days. I'm all the time so messed up.

Anyway, I got horny as fuck and went to masturbate. I could feel me warm, wet and swollen.. BUT...

I couldn't come.

For some reason, it made it harder to come. I do get wet, I do enjoy, but, damn, it's hard to get to an orgasm! And to a girl, I'm not sure if it's exactly good. At least I never took that long to come when I'm already aroused and everything.

In the end, I got what I wanted.. But it wasn't as strong and it didn't last as long as it's usual...

Is this the medicines, or the lack of practice are making me to forget how it goes?

:D

That's it

Some sun

Sunlight, new morning
The city that didnt sleep is now so silent 'cause
It's Sunday we don't have to be awake so early, We're allowed
to take a break for all the day and night, until the second light
Because, you know, it's Sunday
And we've been away from home 
For a long time,but once this tour is done

We're gonna be again, each other's arms again

I wanna hold your hand all summer and whenever seasons change
I'll share your story until the happy end
Forever by your side, whatever mood or tide
we're gonna fight together
You're the one to heal in me
The open wounds that only I can see

Please never leave my life before I can get a chance to show who I am
Before you learn you might regret it too late
Before I'm sure it wasn't but a waste of time
To break the ice on you I tried...

I tried to live on the edge of sanity
I wasn't sure if you would be there for me
I walked paths one would never want to be
But I was rescued from hell by my own will.

All the lyrics are there if you type to the song
It's cliché to say so, but your heart can't be wrong
Let's ride at the speed of sound through the highways of higher ground

The faster the closer we get to the stars
The faster the closer we get:
We get to live, we get to learn
We grown, we throw our life away
We get the fire, we get the burn
We die to live another day.

We are alone

Alone when opening our eyes from a dream
Alone when moving our lips on a prayer
Alone when fighting our inner wars
Alone when despair close its shadows upon us
Alone when the tears stain the lyrics being written
Alone when closing our eyes to this nightmare
Alone, so alone I can hear the void that echos
The silence.

But we are never alone
I am.

As huge

"It's ridiculous, everytime I'm pretty sure I overcame you, at some point comes this urge that keeps me into you. Is this so great sex that I dared to dedicate almost half my life in memories of it? "

It might be the way he fingers me. That long fingers are definitely some girl's fantasy. I actually know how it feels to be pleased by that fingers, and you can bet it's as great as your wildest dreams. And his mouth is great doing everything it does, from kissing to the deepest, wettest caresses.
I came to his mouth mostly everytime he licked me. He was pretty good already when we met as teenagers, but in ten years he had mastered the art. I had never been sucked like that before.
Once, he gave me an orgasm only by fucking me in the ass. His cock is so fucking big that I could feel it in my pussy, almost. Come on: statistic says that some of the women my age still never had an orgasm. That cock makes me cum with my ass. It makes me dripping wet only in thinking about it, and every time it filled me up with its hot juicy load...

One might take that for love, perhaps.

"My love for you is as huge as your penis <3 "

Couple of doubts

Today I was searching the past once more.

I wasn't looking for happy moments that aren't there anymore, nor victories long gone. I wasn't trying to unfold any mysteries that should be laid sleeping, nor to dig up some ancient sadness. I had no reasonable reason to be opening the old albuns and googling old terms. Surrendered to nostalgia, I found us younger in faded pictures, I listen to demo versions of your now old songs, I smile past smiles that punctuated our every messages. I catch up on some yesterday's headlines that I would like to have read back then. But then I stumble upon bitter words someone else wrote about you.

Were you really that bad? Am I really that wrong?

I dunno...

...if I should say "I love you", or "fuck you".




Really.

Everlasting touch

I woke up suddenly, bathed in my own sweat and with an exploding tachycardia. It took me a while to understand what happened. The hot and wet sensation in between my legs left no doubt that I just had an orgasm.
But how come..? I was alone, and couldn't remember my dream. Was I having an erotic dream? Instinctively, I took my hands to my pussy and felt shocks in my swollen clit. I was soaked.

Light and easy, I let my fingers get smeared on the warm moisture, then tasted it guiltlessly, enjoying the flavour and texture of my sex. Immediately I was missing the feeling of your cock in my mouth, my taste served on your stiff meat, mingled with your manly scent, pulsing between my lips.

How long since I last had it: a morning feast, breakfast of a goddess, swallowing your cum as I felt your hands caressing my hair, pulling my head. The memories of you moaning, your voice at its sexiest tone. "That's the best way of waking up" - you said, as I still remember every minute of that last time you held your whole skin against mine. As I still remember every single time you did it.

As I will hope to have you again forever.

New year again

So, let 2014 begin.

Another year that I just have no idea what will turn into my life. Not that I'm lost and miserable, as I was couple of years ago by this same time, but it's a fact that this is one of those years that starts differently specially because I can't see anything in the horizon, yet. During the past months, actually I had to work extra hard to get rid of useless hopes and let go on expectations that were poisoning my life. I'm still working on it. Everybody knows that in life, things are not always the way we want then to be. But in practice, this is pretty hard to accept. Particulary hard, if you don't even know what went wrong. But I'm not giving up. Just giving myself some time.

In the end, my heart remains the same.

Bit lonely

I'd like to be hugged tonite. No sex, just cuddling. Watching a movie (or a TV series..!), or even just to lay there, eyes closed, listening to his heartbeat.
I love that. So close, so true.

Naturally

The water felt a little bit cold at first, but I knew that the faster I got in, the better it would feel.The sun
was striving to shine through the forest, turning the leaves even greener and making that giant blue butterfly wings to flash.

I felt like taking my bikini off. I knew I couldn't. Maybe I shouldn't. But it was my dream, I could do whatever I wanted. I got naked and went swimming to below the waterfall, where you were enjoying the pleasures of natural water running through your body.
I standed up un the stone and you saw me naked. You took your shorts off and embraced me. The cold water falling through our hot bodies, I could feel your heartbeat.

You were holding my breasts with your hands, softly squeezing them. It felt great.
Yes, I was getting wet and ready for action, but at the same time I was so relaxed and feeling great that I just wanted to enjoy that sexy touching forever.

We sitted down at the stones by the waterfall, where the caresses continued.We were just kissing, I was sitted on your lap, hugging him with mt arms and my legs. I could feel your cock soaked on my moisture, I felt little shocks everytime I touched your skin with my hard, swollen clit.
And you started sucking my breasts. Gently, but firmly.

Ah, I really was urging to sit on that dick, and ride it up and down so hard I would feel its tip coming out my
throat...But I was totally surrendered to the physichal sensation of your lips sucking hard on my nipples. The
vision of it was even more endearing: you are so delightfully cute. And sexy.

We laid down  with me on top, my legs crossed around your neck while you french kissed my pussy. Your cock was full and tasteful while I felt it throught my mouth and deep down to my throat. Slowly. It was so intense. There was no hurry, no urge to cum. I could drool on that cock for hours, just for the taste of it, and the sound of your moaning.

Your tongue was soft and warm, and you were licking me passionately. Sometimes tickling the most sensitive spots, sometimes going deep inside. That's when my moaning becomes a loud sigh, and I feel like begging you to never stop. To go rougher. To shove me your long fingers, fist me to scream, spit on my asshole and let me craving for being merciless impaled. But real torture took form of a irresistible caress. Eyes closed, I take your cock as an indecent pacifier, sucking its head in fast and gentle movements that truly and strangely calms my lust down. My body relaxes:  you feel it too and also let go on the pressure of your hand holding my leg. My juice was flowing to your thirsty lips still not quenched.

Slower and deeper now, up and down your rock hard cock, feeling every milimeter to pulse inside my mouth. Some cold water spray from the waterfall made me shiver, and the feeling of my arousing skin drove me to the edge of an orgasm  that I struggled to hold back.

The sounds of nature and that overwhelming feeling was just so empowering. That was divine. I was a goddess kneeling down to devour you, looking straight into your eyes while having you whole in my mouth. A hot, hard, pulsating member I was sucking in urge, filling it up. Your panting excites me. I go harder, hungrier, anxious to be fed by your cum. I knew it wouldn't be long now, I could feel it and hear it from your breathing, your growing roar, your feverish hands pulling my hair back.


One piercing looks into your eyes, and your dilated pupils were fixed on me. Mesmerized, hypnotized - you
couldn't dare to close it while drowning my lust into your hot load. You were just staring as I had your whole cock shoved up in my mouth, a drop of cum rolling down the corner of my lips, dripping on my breasts.
The strenght of the aftershocks made you bend your body down and you kissed my smeared lips with passion and cumplicity. We were one.

With the Nature.

Useless & indecent

A friend told me that there is some relation between the size of a guy's hand and the size of his penis.

Of course I don't believe it, but thinking carefully, there is a possibility, yes, that the guy with the biggest penis I've ever had sex with, is also the guy with the biggest hands.

On the other hand (!!) my first boyfriend had a dick, like 6-8 cm, but he had pretty normal hands. Not a T-rex.

What the f*ck am I writing..?

Reading these posts in retrospect, it gets obvious that I have a pretty disturbed sexuality: I've found a handful of posts that starts with "I won't be writing about sex this time", but most of them ends up about something dirty. It's the only way I communicate openly and in english to the whole world online, and that's how I present myself to the people: as a psycho bitch. Yeah, great, that's quite a wonderful impression to make.

On the other hand, I don't think I'm actually being a bitch. I'm talking about sex - everybody does, and I'm writing my fantasies - everybody has. Come on, not having an appetite for sex at all , that's sure rather more disturbing :D. Probably my conceptions about sex are the healthiest part of my delicate psiqué. :3 My total lack of social graces with strangers is far more shocking than my deepthroat techniques.

 I'm quite sure that by the time I write this, chances are that only one among all the people that ever read these lines, can actually say he knows about my techniques. Although I can also pretty much asure all the other readers, that  this guy doesn't know much about how uncomfortable I sometimes feel, since he's quite easy person to go along with.

Anyway, that's the fate of most things I write, I guess. It's the price to pay for writing my mind and heart all the time: Few years from now I'll read this again and think "Gosh, what the f*ck was I thinking..?"

Just being me

So, I'm back. Did anyone miss me? Yeah, I figured so...

You see, lately I've had time enough to write a lot. And in fact, I've been doing so, just not here on the blog. I dunno why, but I always have this impression I should write something sexy here. So, whenever I'm not feeling sexy, I don't feel like posting.

But I noticed that if I do that, this blog will be soon abandoned...

I haven't been having any sex lately, of course. But I made a promise I would stop counting days or anything as stupid as this. Makes me sound desperate to others, and a complete dumbfuck to myself. And this hurts.

And, you know what? I'm not an eager nympho, ok. In fact, I'm not even that hot: truth is that I'm a f*cking lousy lay... But at least my writing is pretty decent and I like porn very much :3. Not that "Fifty Shades" stuff. A little bit more spice, with some more plausible story as a background. "Naughty bedtime stories for wet dreams" or something like that. Something you'd like your girl to read to you, wank to, and fall asleep. Maybe I should record an erotic audiobook. With sexy background tracks as my voice keeps reading my very true and personal fantasies...

Sounds sexy, but I don't think so. I'm just too shy, I'd probably laugh. Booo hooo, that's the truth about sexy Hamalka. A hoax from the hair colour to the toe nailpolish.

Or not. It might work, too. We can go to the studio late at night, for the recordings. I'll make the readings sitting on your lap. You'll keep me focused in being sexy, and I might not mind sounding a little bit panting on the tracks... I can't really play any instruments, but I do move my hips without skipping the beat. I guess I could sound sexy enough if I had this kind of motivation while reading the stories. Nothing that would drive me out of focus, just a gentle touch of your fingers, your tongue caressing deep inside me, slowly...just to give me that feeling I want to impersonate when describing all that naughty scenes I sometimes imagine...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Here I am, talking about sex again, afterall. Maybe I'm an eager nympho indeed. Or at least a wannabe bitch with a way with words. We're living on a social media world, where we're nothing but avatars of what we want people to believe we are.

I am Hamalka. Not a real person, but still quite a character. ;)

Second light

I didn't have to open my eyes: the smell of his perfume was all over me, as his warm body spooned to mine. I reached for his big hands and could feel his fingers embracing mine one by one. His heartbeat echoes on my breathing, our rythms in sync: I was smiling, and although I couldn't see, I knew he was smiling, too.

That wasn't a dream, a lonely romance, a dirty talk fantasy.

 It was there, it was real.

The dream begins again

I'm off to be happy a little.
Or too much.
For a while or forever.

Wet Threat

I opened my eyes at once. Was I late? Not a sound from outside, it seemed it was still dark. I searched for my cell phone: 4:35 a.m. Closed my eyes, but I was wide awake.

Just because, I started to rescue the dream I was into, moments before. I don't remember where I was, or what I was doing. But I was with him, for sure. I could feel his presence still, hear the sound of his laugh. One innocent moment, than suddenly turned into some hot action. I was laid upon him, sucking him deep while feeling his tongue and fingers inside me. I smiled at the way he curls his toes as his cock gets filled, moaning higher, closer to explosion. In moments like this, his movements on me slow down a bit, and then is when I may expect a furious attack in following.

He was practically fisting me, slapping and biting my buttcheeks while I was choking myself on his dick, drooling all over his hips and rising mine as if taming a wild animal to fuck me. We were measuring forces, he is bigger, but I was taken by a hunger that could shoot a missile.  He locked me up under his body, and would go in dry, if I wasn't already dripping wet. 

He screamed when I trapped his cock inside my pussy. Even slippery as I was, I could still hold him firmly.  One of my hands got free to grab his crotch while he struggled to go out and in again. We were both panting. He pulled my hair back, savagely kissing my neck. I pressed my hips against him. "Give me all your load...Flood my brains with your hot cum..." I was talking more nonsense than actually dirty talking by the time I felt the head of his dick pulsating feverish inside me, and reached a firework-worthy orgasm at the same time than him. Needless to say I couldn't keep a single drop inside me: his cum and my juice flowed freely all down my legs, staining the sheets.

And only then I noticed I was still in my bed, and that wet sensation was only mine. Got up with a smile for the morning toiletry, while my tablet computer was initializing for me to check the appointments for today. A message alarm beeped:

-"Btw, you have no idea how hard you're going to get fucked..."

Bring it hot, baby, for I'm already on fire...

Ok...

Maybe I'm a "bit" of a nerd...But isn't "Paul" one of the most touching movies ever?

:D

Best Investment Ever

Miss Taken

I've been losing a lot of friends lately. Or in fact, I haven't been losing anything, only realizing some people were not actually my friends, as I thought so, sometimes for so long.

Yeah, I wrote this before in this very blog, how much it's disappointing to me to notice some of the guys I really had as friends were actually just "waiting in line" to make a move on me. What I could even take as flattering, actually, if they didn't get angry or pushy when at some point I feel forced to make clear that nothing is going to happen - in a very harsh way.

And the weirdest part is that no one of these guys I'm referring to, are the ones who openly comes to me with a direct line like, when I ask "what are your plans for the weekend?" and he answers "Sex with you!". Nah. To those, I usually fight back with a "Go dreaming!", we both laugh, and sometimes meet for a beer or sushi, great conversation and that's all.

On the other hand, there are those guys that had never showed any interest, whom I really though were pretty much only my friends. Good friends, in fact. Ones who would go out shopping with me. Who would discuss movies, philosophy or sports with me for hours. Then, at some point, out of nothing, the guy comes with a pick up line. After being sure he's not joking, then I kindly - very kindly, as it's always so delicate in situations like this - try to explain it's not going to happen.  What is also hard to me, because these guys usually already know I'm taken, so I never expect this... And they go out swearing on me, threatening me the most ridiculous ways like "Don't you forget there are nicer girls around...thinner and, most of all, younger!". This one I got just last week.

What can I do but laugh and be grateful for "ruining my chances" with these kind of guys...?

Really: Am I too stupid, too naive, or just a real unconscious bitch?

Day #12 (or #322) : Hammy's Advice

Don't "Google" for things you don't want to find.

Day #18 : "I no longer expect anything from life"

That was the first thing I read from the Facebook today.
How encouraging.

Surprise party

I knew he would come.

I had everything set: the table, the music, the candlelight. Two bottles of the best soft red wine I could find. With the brand new lacey lingerie and petals of three dozen red roses, it costed a little fortune,and the night would be worth every penny spent. Some things in life are just priceless.

Sitting on the couch, I opened the first bottle, still alone. That fancy beverage caressed my lips and went down like heaven, while I spreaded my legs and my whole body all over the silky mantle of my robe. That vulgar shade of pink contrasting with the black lace, all so deliciously provoking, so purposely indecent, as the panties small enough to show the tanned borders of my bikini line.

I could almost feel his hands on me already, holding my head up and kissing me deeply while I'd press my body against his, feeling his increasing heartbeat, his heavy breathing that was slowly growing into moanings. I can feel the warm tide coming down in between my legs.

The music is a bit louder now: it's the perfect track. I make him sit, serve him the wine he already tasted on my lips. I invite him to sit back and relax while I dance for him. Slowly, languidly, closer and closer so he could touch my skin and smell my perfum. On the floor, I crawl to him. Climb to his lap, then turn my back to be slapped in my butt cheeks as I knew he would. I keep the rythm on my hips, dancing as if he wasn't pulling my panties, squeezing my thighs.

I take my leg up to his shoulder, he takes off my heels and kissed my ankles before pulling me closer. Now I got him right on my spot and he's teasing my pussy with his tongue from over my lingerie. "I can taste you, you're soaked wet". A teasing smile is my answer. Put my leg down, sit upon him, my hands to his hair and pulling his head back as the lap dance begins. He takes off my bra and begins to suck my nipples. I feel his hard on against my clit, and the growing frenzy will make me cum for the first time that night even before I can taste his juicy cock.

Suddenly, the doorbell brings me back to reality. I stop playing with myself, take the last sip of my wine and a quick look in the mirror. Put on my most seductive smile and head to the door.

With my luck, it must be the pizza guy.

...why can't I just fuckin die at once???????????????????????????

Faith in men-kind: restored

Okay, I didn't have a very nice day. Didn't sleep, couldn't make it to the gym, the Internet was unstable, the TV wasn't working, riots closed half the city, I couldn't fulfill all the tasks I had for today, and my stepsister is very sick...

In the evening I was tired and in a terrible bad mood, but a brief conversation about love enlightened my night. Nothing much, I just asked a friend if he believed in love. Just because, since instants before we were joking about sex and relationships, and occured me that we were always making the same jokes, but never talked seriously about it. So I asked, and his simple, sincere answer warmed my heart.

Maybe there is still hope for the ones like us. Maybe there are still fairtales to be told, afterall...because reading his answer I noticed that, yes, there is still people in this world who deserves to be happy.

I hope I can be one of them, too...Someday...somehow...

Tonight I'll dream in Red again. Hopefully soon, I'll be waking up in his so-dreamed arms...

Haunted

Again. The same nightmare wakes me up.
I turn the now empty pages I read so many times: where are the words that for so long warmed my heart, the fire that would always light up my life when everything else seemed to be burnt to ashes..? Where were the lines I followed over and over, out loud and in silence, a manthra to remind me how life could still be fine..?

Desperately I search for the book I never wrote, just to find two hundred blank pages inside a rotting cover, faded colors, half-eaten by moths and stained by dust.

Outside, the heavy rain bangs on my window, the thunder rolls louder than the void of the streets. Still I can hear my own heartbeat. Reality calls, I'm still alive, maybe it wasn't just a nightmare.

Close my eyes. I'm not safe in a dream.

"You were never there..." - it whispers, and vanishes.

And I know dawn will find me crying.

Time to say goodbye

Few things are as weird as watching a life ending.

He was a newborn when I met him. 15 days or so. I immediately fell in love for that little fellow. I never thought by then, that I'd watch him die, over 18 years later. Slowly. He fought to the very last minute - even his breathing stopped minutes before his heart. In 18 years, he never got sick. Not once.
I have this impression that on his last days, he was suffering more because his body wasn't responding to his still strong wills. His legs were so weak he could barely walk, he was practically dragging himself - but he would still try to run after me. It was almost funny how his eyes were so full of life to his last day - that happened to be today.

No, he didn't go peacefully in his sleep as we would like to. He struggled, and this morning we knew he probably wouldn't make it to another dawn. Last night he walked for the last time, then laid on the corner he stayed to his last breathe. Spent all day there, an empty expression, no reaction. Ate a bit, drank a bit. His wide open eyes were still shining. He seemed to be daydreaming. Maybe he was already having a glimpse of the other side of the rainbow bridge.

I knew he would find his last sleep before I go to bed tonight.

He wasn't just a dog, he was a furry angel that stole a piece of my heart by the minute I first saw him.

And took it to heaven with him tonight.

Scene from Don Bluth's "All Dogs Go To Heaven", one of my favourite cartoon movies ever.

Sex machine

I started going to cardio classes this week. Of course I know three weeks won't turn me into any goddess of fitness, but at least I'll feel I'm a little bit more fit to face this new beginning (again). Yeah, it seems that my life is always beginning again. Imagine how many dramatic ends it takes...

So, I was coming from the shower, wet, warm and scented, when I walked past the mirror. I stopped for a moment and let the towel hit the floor, taking a good, deep, critical look to what I was seeing on the reflex. I don't have what I would call a "killer body" myself. I don't have boobs as big as I'd like to. I don't have an ass as round as I'd like to. I don't have a waist as small as I'd like too, hair and legs as long as I'd like to, belly as flat as I'd like to.

But you wanna know what..? I bet some of those girls who do have a "killer body" would just DIE to really enjoy all the pleasures I allow my imperfect body to give and receive... And the overwhelming orgasms it eventually results into.

I might be unsecure of my looks, but I'm pretty confident about my performance: I go for what I like...and I like it all the way.

Who's counting the cellulitis, while busy moaning in pleasure..?

Loosen my mind

Okay, now it's official: this blog totally lost its purpose. Or it was me: I completely lost directions. fact is it was supposed to be fun, angry, sexy and quite ficticious. But lately it haven't been much of any of those.

Earlier today, a friend who is also a great student of astrology pointed something funny at my astrological chart: all planets are pretty much gathered  together in a 120 degrees range or so. This meaning I can concentrate, in this life, on less things than average, and thus living those things in a much more intense way.

I had never thought about that, really. I do am an intense person. I'm passionate about everything I'm passionate about, I have no shallow feelings about anything that really touches me. I just don't care about things and people that don't. I guess I don't even notice them. and it's not like I'm mean or selfish...I just don't like to waste time or heart. Life's too short.

I can love one, or I can throw one out of my life forever. I prefer not to hate, maybe because the much I can love makes me afraid of the much I could hate. So, whenever I don't like something or someone, I'll just try my best to avoid it. When I can't, this means I also can't ignore the bad feelings it inspires me. It's hard, and sometimes way too painful, but I try to deal with it.

I'm not of one night stands, I'm not of mild datings. I can do them, but what for? Even the memories of my most overwhelming encounters are most impressive than these sometimes empty moments. Like big Donuts that will please my senses for a while and then turn into nothing, if not regret, in the moments next.

I like to be swallowed by this thrill, this will of shouting the whole world what's  in my heart. That's precisely why i got online here at the first place. To write the sweetest love declaration I could...

...if only I could reach him. If only I could touch him. If only I could feel he can read between the lines, inside my heart, how much it's obvious that I love him.

More than anything, ever.

Things are...

...getting weird.
Really, really weird.

PMS says: Draw a social analysis of past societies' love stories

Last night I was watching "Wuthering Heights". It's the kind of fucked up love story that I never really got to understand. Cathy was always a bitch to Heathcliff. I mean, if she loved him as much as she seems to love him, and at least half as much that it's obvious he loved her, how in the world could she accept to marry another guy just because he was richer? I mean, it wasn't even a matter of survival, but of luxury and comfort, and social status. In the end, maybe her soul starved of love and passion. "The guy she loved wasn't worthy to be her husband". This just doesn't exist.

Or maybe I'm just too Byronist, believing that even a love that can destroy everything around it -including the persons involved- can't destroy itself. Well, in the end they got to be buried together, Heathcliff and Cathy... but to me, Heathcliff died without living his love. It's not a happy ending, and it was never a happy story to him from the begining.

But there are still love stories like Paraguaçu, the Brazilian Indigenous Princess, that got married and went to become a writer in Europe. Of course she met her European explorer in a time when Brazilian Indigenous People could already communicate somehow with the Portuguese. And probably her book wasn't written in the best portuguese ever for the times, but still it was quite a fate. Bartira is told to be another Indigenous Princess that charmed a Portuguese guy, but somehow, something deep inside tells me this story wasn't such as lovable in real life, as legend says it was.

Whatever...I have no idea why do I still waste my time in making this historical / literary research on humans impressions and experiences on love...There are so many unique situations...people are so different...

everything is so complicated...

...and sweet!

Real life adventures

I wish I could yell to the whole world how productive and wonderful times I have been living ever since I came back home. Definitely, I don't miss the fancier living. It's great to have luxury, but life get so much wider when we don't get distracted by so many material and ordinary things..!

I'm truly starting to find myself. To see me as I really am. The woman I became, afterall. I'm not a girl anymore, and I came to notice that at 32!
In the past two years I've been slaying dragons. But only now, looking back, I can really notice how far I got.

 I had two amazing jobs (and a shitty one that taught me one by one, all the things I hate most about corporatives). I also had the amazing oportunity of working in really big things, and handle so huge responsabilities that I never thought in my life someone would ever trust me. And I know that not in a single moment I let those professionals down. I didn't know I could, now I do.

And all this, thanks to so many people and situations that I'll address my gratefulness to the Universe, hoping each one get your fair share of my heart. I guess I've wrote this here before :) And it's still true.

I am learning the most precious lessons about life and true friendship, family love and mankind, through amazing people: some new, some old mates that now I see over a totally new perspective. They changed, people change. I sure did.

There are some battles ahead yet, there will always be battles. What surprises me is that for the first time I'm starting to think that maybe I'm a warrior, maybe I like to fight! (^_^). Life needs it spice, I have no idea for how long I will be here or what there will be on the other side. There is more true in "carpe diem" that most people can sense, I guess.

Back to Holy Grounds, off to face Tiamat again. (^_ ^ )

300 to 34

I know this is sure not the place to write about that, but still I guess it's the best choice, for this is kinda my secret diary. If you're here, either you care, or you don't. And this is your problem, not mine.
Mine is that  I'm experiencing such an emotional rush, that I really think I still didn't realize what's going on. That overtroubled moment that I know it predicts good weather, but not for right now.
But I'm pretty sure of what I want, and I know it's this feeling that gives me confidence enough to go ahead. I know what I want, I'm going for what I want.

...and in the end, if everything has gone wrong, at least I know it wasn't my fault! (^_^)

All I've been dreaming of...

...is to sleep like this.

Hamalka, the pornstar.

I know it sounds crazy (and if you can read this in my voice, then you know I'm crazy, anyway), but one of the reasons why I kept my virginity during my teenage years, was because I was pretty sure that once I had sex for the first time, I probably wouldn't want to stop. Not that I thought I would become promiscuous, but I would definitely care more about guys. I was a "conscious virgin": I knew pretty much what I was missing, that's precisely why I wanted it to be big deal.

And now, for the first time in my life, ever since I started my sexual life, I haven't been having sex for almost 300 days by now. As, the same way it worked when I was a virgin, this means I haven't been having any kind of sexual contact. In fact, when I was a virgin there was some times that I used to kiss a lot...But now it has been almost 300 days since I last been kissed.

Of course, in the meanwhile I have been seeing / writing / reading a lot of porn. Whenever I feel like it. When I don't, I don't: that's why this blog haven't been updated so frequently. I wasn't feeling very sexual for a while, but somehow it's coming back to me again. Not that I've been inspired enough to write new fantasies, but it's been good to make my shower time funnier every once in a while...

I like porn. I know I've said that a thousand times already, but it's really something I'm not ashamed to admit. Everybody likes sex, everybody have dirty fantasies, what's the matter of enjoying the videos? Because porn, even when it's shitty terrible, it can at least make you laugh, like the unforgettable Smurfs porn.

Imagine that; Hamalka, the pornstar. I wonder what would my first movie be like. So far I had only acted and directed in my dirty imagination, just my own wet stories with M-R, but truly, I think it could be a blast to produce some of them, if I trusted anyone else to play our roles. But I guess it would be pretty hard to act right, enjoy and direct at the same time, so, I probably will never see one of our fucks on the actual form it is deserving of being seen, but a room full of mirrors would make the perfect balance between visual and comfort (really, I dunno how I would feel at the moment, fucking with a cameraman between my legs).

I think a homemade video can be pretty kinky. Specially if it has scenes to please both guys and dolls. We often see a girl being slapped in the face with the guy's dick, but we seldom see the expression the guy is doing. The girl is looking at him in the eye, I want to see what she is seeing, but in porn they seem to be more interest on the man's point of view, always.

You guys have no idea how a girl's point of view can be interesting, too..!Ah, if I could only edit some things I've seen with my own eyes... *angel face*

Almost 300 days. Gosh, I'll rape him dead when I meet him..!

Another senseless post

Sunday morning, birds are singing, the fog is unfolding another cold, sunny morning. I wish I could tell you guys that I haven't been sleeping ever since yesterday, that my saturday night was wild, that I had the best afterparty ever, and still had enough for a good morning fuck. And maybe I should. I'm Hamalka, I can do things that most humans with a decent life couldn't.

So, let's begin again: it's not even ten yet, I'm still drunk, or in fact, I didn't stop drinking. But I'm feeling fine, I'm laughing and singing, and I am writing all this while smoking my last Marlboro menthol. I kicked off my shoes and am stitting with my notebook at our house's pleasant garden. Mr. Red should be sleeping upstairs. I bet he's tired. I am never tired enough for a good story.

...okay, this is not true. If Mr. Red is upstairs this means I'm exhausted. But that's the fun about fan fiction. I can even be sitting outdoors, because it wouldn't be raining hail.

First night we shared, it was raining like hell. Not hail. But as if soneone had threw the ocean upside down. No wonder, it was the raining season. Hot and wet - but believe me, it sounds better than it feels on the everyday life. That night, though, I remember the sound of the rain outside was something I wouldn't ignore. What I was feeling was as powerful as the water coming down from the skies.

We had a whole night of fun and great music, then we ended up in the first motel room we found on our way back home. We had sex, we made love, we had fun, so much fun..! There is nothing better than that first approach, a long hug...a kiss that goes deeper and deeper while hands start to get daring...bodies so close we can feel each other's heartbeat.

I only have to breathe deep to smell that skin I adore. That soft skin against mine, makes me even more aware that it's not just a dream. Whenever I'm away, I wonder if this really feels as good as I remember, and everytime I experience it, I notice reality is way better than the memory. Nah, I don't expect any of you readers to understand what I'm talking about. Being with him - not only in the sexual way - and being with all the other men I've ever knew, it's like the difference between a great lecture and a concert. I love great lectures. I've learnt a lot and had the opportunity of sharing great time with great people in lectures. There are lectures that are never a bore, and do move my heart, but...a concert goes a step further. It talks more universally, because involves music, and dance,  body movements, sex even. Music touches humans in a very particular way - both good music and shitty music. And that's why I say I would never miss a great lecture, but a great concert is just...overwhelming.

Maybe it's really time to get the show on the road, again...

#Day 296 begins

Ups and highers

Hamalka, Hamalka... Reading this blog from its early posts makes me wonder how my readers figure me out. I was all bitter and angry at the beggining, then came that torrent of porn, and now this...reflexive moment, I guess.
I wonder myself if I'm eventually finding a balance point or I'm just loosing it everytime more.

But who cares, I got a comment on my last post.  Life's worth living today (^_^)

Keep dreaming...

Fact worth notice

It's very hard to pee if you had to wake up from a wet dream.

Fucking football sunday

There is a big buzz about Neymar finally trading Brazilian football for European teams. Spanish teams, precisely. Today, he plays his "goodbye game" with Santos, against Flamengo team. At the "National Stadium", as FIFA wants us to call the remodelled Mané Garrincha Stadium.

I don't understand this. Mané Garrincha was a great Brazilian football hero. Why take away the honors? Just because the guy had a terrible-sounding name?

Anyway...Come on: it can't even be called an official goodbye, since Neymar didn't decide yet either if he's going to Barcelona or Real Madrid. Boo hoo. That butt ugly guy, who has no clue about how shallow and ignorant he is, a guy who knows nothing but how to play good football (yeah, this he does, in fact, or at least used to). He has been receiving millions just to play ball. He is making a lot of money with publicity too: everybody wants to ally to the image of the talented, good-humored, healthy, young and attractive (!!) guy. I heard recently he became a comic book character, to be featured among the country's most famous childrens comics characters.

Who believed in that tale that he wouldn't leave his hometown... his football.. his nation... blablabla..? Money, money changes everything...Money confuses the values. It gives these guys power. Problem is that they want power to party and get the girls, while the giants behind them are making money to take over the world. They are cheap pieces of the game, think about it. And they don't even know how to deal with the rules. That they end up in vain vanity, ruin their own talents in partying, drugs and vicious rlationships. Become selfish chauvinists, like Cristiano Ronaldo.

Yeah, okay, that "Vice-Miss Buttocks" may be a tramp. Who knows, a girl who thinks it's an honor to be called "Vice-Miss Buttocks" cannot have her brains working right, anyway, but telling to a newspaper that "He called me 'Little Horse!", as if that meant he  said she was the girl he was all his life waiting for...That was pitiful. I felt sad for her, truly. The guy calls her "Little Horse", seems specifically obsessed with her butt, openly tells her he has a girlfriend. Then, sets a date for a high-security meeting, fucks and disappears.

What was the little innocent family girl expecting? Flowers in the morning next? Breaksfast in bed with a ring and a proposal?

And no, I'm not being sexist here. I mean, I'm not saying she's a bad girl or doesn't have a nice heart just because she looks and behaves like a slut (she got famous here after having a lesbian affair with the winner of the "Miss Buttocks" contest). But I do am saying that this guy is no good stuff either. What makes it "normal" to a guy to have everything he wants - even a girl - just because "he can". He can buy the whole security system to hide her - even because he don't wanna loose his official partner. He can hit on any girl, because he probably thinks it's an honor for her to have his attention. That so-naive Vice Miss Buttocks said herself she was amazed because he was Cristiano Ronaldo, so talented, famous and gorgeous, and he was hitting on her.

Maybe, in fact, she could take it as an honor...to the point he called her "Little Horse". Really, my male readers (if there are still readers around, anyway) : would you call "Little Horse" a girl you are trying to get to know better, in a real romantic sense?

Of course I'm not telling the girl should get all offended and react by telling CR how much God will make him burn in hell for that, or anything. If I had a nice butt I wouldn't mind at all being called that in private, or maybe even in public, by my partner, my lover, my friend - as a joke or as tease - but by someone I am intimate enough to allow to.

 Again if I had a nice butt, and a guy called me "Little Horse" in such a brief contact, what would happen next doesn't matter: the point is that I take for sure that there is not a chance for him to be feeling any romantic or caring for me. He wants to fuck. I can fuck, I can pretend I didn't get, I can accept, I can deny... But, really: "I thought he was in love!" is not an excuse...

Well, whatever. I don't have to worry about any football stars hitting on me. I don't have a nice butt.

Being negative

It's not fair, you know..?

Then I got my heart full of hopes, so sure that from now on, things would get better to best. And then, this.

Right now I don't even figure what comes in next. Should I stay or should I go. Who knows? Me; I was supposed to know that kind of stuff. Supposed to.
I see that people who were my brothers in arms on these late times crisis are now moving on with their lives, while I seemed to be moving far up forward to them, and now I was just left behind. Last year by now I had this feeling that life had stood still for a decade and the past eight years or so didn't even exist. But right now I actually feel that it was the past year that didn't exist. As if again, once more, I had to face pretty much the same situation, and all the fear that comes with it.

Yeah, I know: you're understanding shit of what I'm saying.That's what happens when I just come here to tell you guys what I masturbated to the last night, instead of opening my heart and confessing the funky situations that my overwhelming feelings usually drives me into. If you bothered reading at least two or three non-porn posts, though, you probably already know the situation: nobody loves me, nobody cares,maybe I'll go eat worms.

Or maybe I'll just become a superbitch and give away at once, what I have been so lovefully saving.

Shitlosophy

You know what? It's not fair to stop writing on this blog just because I don't feel like talking about fucking, or for how long I haven't been fucked, or how I have lately had wet nightmares.

We all know wet dreams, but what about wet nightmares, am I the only person who have them? I think there are different kinds of wet nightmares. Most of mine involves great sex, but ending up in terrible situations. It happens sometimes, when I'm stressed out or something. And I wake up with this mixed feelings between depression and desire, that usually ends up fucking the hell out of my mind for the day, especially if I'm already in a bad mood or PMS.

Again, I had to quit my old life to put things in order to start over again. First thing I left, of course, what that shiny little office. I'd say the best job I've ever had - the only disadvantage was the office, the dress code, the corporatives...but, oh well, we can't have it all...can we?


Again, I look back and notice the strange connection of the happenings. Here we go, once more, I can feel it. If I had planned, set dates and schedules, it would never happen, I am pretty sure. The two lessons I was taught right from the beggining, and I must learn: "Things happen the way they are supposed to", but "It's up to me to take the chance".

Remember, you guys: the boat of happiness can come floating over your way, but you still might choose not to step in.

Believe me, some do.

Day #284

Today, a whole new era begins.
Stay tuned.

What's new, my friend?

The other day I met a friend of mine to dinner. Such long time no see. In fact, the last time we met was at her wedding, over a decade ago. Since then, we had been in touch through social media,but last week we met at the lunch time on a restaurant near by the office building I work at, and we decided to go out after work.
At some point, after few tequila shots, she started to talk about her husband's business partner. They owned a company of somehow, and after few years of partnership, the guy had became quite a friend of the family.
Happens that this guy- as my friend said- is terribly good looking. That kind that drives a woman crazy just by the look.

-Really: the first thing that came to my mind when I first met him was how it would be to get fucked by him...
-C'mon, girl...There is no such a guy!
-I swear this one is. I was so impressed by his looks that even my husband noticed I was staring.
-No kidding! And how did he react?
-In fact he didn't care, at first. He just said "yeah, I'm not stupid, why would you be different than any and every other woman he's introduced to..." and smiled. He said that all the girls at the company are crazy about him. And I said I think it's a great thing, so the bitches would stay away from my hubby...

We laugh and went on eating nachos, and I thought the subject was over when she said, out of nothing.

-I had sex with him.
-Ohmygosh, Moema..! What about..?
-With him and my husband. - she said before I finish my question.

I truly can't describe the reaction I had, but inside it was a mix of disapproval, envy and lust. But, since she started talking, I guess she was willing to share the experience.

-You... -I didn't know what to say- did what??
-I got fucked by my husband and his handsome business partner. Right in the middle of my living room. And it was the sexiest thing that ever happened to me. - She laughed and started to tell the story.

Seems that her husband and his partner- Tony, Tommy, or someting like it with an italian accent- were working late at their place, and after the job was done they started to have some whiskey. Moema, believing her husband was alone - because it was way too late and there was nobody left at the home office- went to the living room only dressed in nighties. And when she saw Tony, she tried to move out, but her husband welcomed her to stay. In fact, he started to kiss her and grab her.

-What did you do?
-Well, I surrendered. Afterall, he's my husband, we were at our very own home, and I would never deny him what I crave all the time...
-What about Tony?
-I couldn't know by then, I wasn't looking at him. But when my husband started to grab my boobs, he didn't seem to be shocked, not excited, or anything. In fact, he seemed very comfortable. And to be truth, that bothered me a little.
-Yeah, I imagine......but how did he get in between you and your husband?
-In fact, I was the one in between... - she laughed.
-You got my point...!
-Well, at some point my husband got me over the home bar bench, spreaded my legs and started to finger fuck me. Then he said "I bet Tom is dying to feel your warm velvet pussy, too..". That was pretty much clear to me, and I must confess I shivered.
-I bet. I would've, too.
-Yes, you see? Something hard to take and harder to refuse. A lifetime opportunity.
-Go on..! And then, what?
-I asked Tony to serve me a glass of wine, what he immediately did, as if I didn't have my husband's fingers inside my ass. And as he handed me the glass I held his hand and brought to my boobs. My husband got on his knees and started sucking me deep, while Tony had pulled my breasts out of the nightie and was sucking my nipples hard as a baby.
-Wow..! - That's all I could say.
-Then my husband got up, took his belt off and was unzipping his pants. He slapped his hard dick against my pussy a bit and then carried me in his arms to the couch. He gave his cock for me to suck while I was being licked and stretched by Tony. I dunno what was more lustful: to see that amazing guy in between my legs, or to look at my husband's sexual maniac expression while he watched another men french kiss my wet pussy.
-Who banged you first?

-Tony, while I was giving my husband a deepthroath. I couldn't see much, but I could feel them both grabbing my tits. Then they turned me the other side and I was licking Tony's cock while my husband fucked me doggy style.
-Could you take a double penetration?
-Nah, we didn't even try that, but they both fucked me in the pussy and the ass. My husband came in my asshole and Tony smeared me all over my face.
-Well... it seems you had a lot of fun, then.
-I had three orgasms in about forty minutes.
-That's something.
-You should come sometime, at least to take a look at the stud...
-C' mon, Moema, I'm not into this things...
-You don't have to be into nothing, and nothing have to be into you if you don't want to... - she smiled. But if you feel like joining, or touching yourself, feel free...
-Thanks, I'll try to remember that.

As if I could easily forget the story I just heard.
I went to the toilet. Of course my panties were soaked.

You know what?

I'm not sure if I know what am I.

Mirror, mirror...

Nah, I didn't quit.

I guess this lack of sex is driving me sexless. Or maybe is the business and boredom of my life that made me depressed. I am truly experiencing a lack of libido, and I never thought it would be possible. Of course it's not like I wasn't in the mood when everything was set: it's just that I haven't been thinking about sex at all.
And this means I didn't have anything interesting to write here all this time, since I have a hunch the readers of this blog are not really in for my literary skills. I can't really say they are in for my sex life either, since I don't have any. In the end, we're all a bunch of jerk-offs fantasizing about something we don't have.

I'm probably going through a more romantic - melancholic stage, and I don't feel like mixing up stuff here and start to open too much of my feelings. I am pretty conscious of how great is to feel in love and how love makes us feel like shouting out our love to the world. But I also know how boring and useless it all sounds to everyone else in the world: even another couples. So, if you don't turn this declaration into something useful, that can inspire another couples - a song, a book, a porn movie - you can keep  it to yourself and -hopefully - the people you're in love with. Besides you guys, no one cares about how you feel about each other.


I love him to life, not secret, nor news. And it's exactly because I love him that I wanted him to be all over me right now.

I dunno if I wrote about this already, but I never had Mr. Red in a room full of mirrors. In fact, not even one decent mirror where I could observe us fucking. Yeah, I am a bit of a voyeur, specially when I'm being banged by someone that sexy. I wanna take a good look at how his huge cock looks while getting deep buried inside my ass. I want a different angle for when he grabs my tits with one hand and finger fucks me with the other, heavy breathing on my neck.

 I wanna see how great he looks on me. And how I will look with his cum all over my face.

(of course it's Google Images)

Special treat

I emerged from the bathroom surrounded by a warm flower scented cloud, and he was sitting at the desk, using the Internet. I noticed he immediately closed a browser window when he noticed I was in the room.

-Yeah, you can stop watching porn, I'm all yours, now! - I made some fun of him.
-I wasn't watching any porn. - He answered.
-Yeah, right! - I walked to him and grabbed his cock that wasn't exactly soft.- Apparently you were browsing cooking websites, perhaps... - I smiled and sit on his lap, one leg on each side, I was wearing nothing but that black towel I was wrapped on.
We kissed, I felt soaked.

-What were you watching? - I asked.
-I wasn't watching any porn. - He insisted.
-Come on...share with me your perversions...
-I will, at some point.
-What do you have in mind?
-Probably the same you have...- He said while slowly penetrated me with a long finger, making me even wetter.

I opened the minimized porn browser, there was the opening page with a lot of video suggestions.
-  "Which one were you watching?" - I asked.
-I hadn't chosen yet, as you can see, I had just opened the browser, so...pick something.


So I played a video with two girls tribbing. I thought he would like to see that. I have this impression men might enjoy the view of two pussies rubbing against each other, with their clits getting harder and the lips getting wetter. I mean, it's exciting even to me. It's one of the best things a girl can do to another girl when having sex. Whenever she has a soft hair or a brazilian wax. It's almost as good as sliding my really wet pussy on his dick, up and down, just licking it, without getting it inside...

-Have you ever done that?
-Yeah, but not the way I'd really like to.
-How would that be?
-With your cock in my ass...

He covered my lips on a deep wet kiss. I unzipped his pants and freed his urging erection guiding it straight to my dripping pussy. He didn't bother to undress more than that to fuck me all naked, after he tossed away the only towel I was wearing.
One of the girls in the movie was now sucking the other's breasts. I asked him to suck mine. Hard until I feel my nipples soar. Breasts are the best part of a women, I think. To embrace a girl and feel her breasts, aswell as sucking it, ot feeling that tits against my belly while getting licked... Even I that am not a lesbian know how sexy and teasing it is.
By that moment I was the one getting my nipples sucked. And sitting cock deep in his lap. He was grabbing my ass wide open, teasing me with his moist fingertips.

We both came together, before the tribbing lesbians on the screen. He filled up my pussy while I felt it contracting against his cock, and making the orgasm uncontrollably delicious. I was cumming on his cumming dick, with him tickling my asshole.

We ended up and stayed there, hugged, wasted on each other's arms for a while, recovering from the explosion of senses we just experienced. After few minutes just enjoying the sounds of heavy breathing and his cooling down heartbeat, someone knocked at the door.

-Who can it be now..?- I asked. He jumped from the chair, closed the internet browser and throwed me back my towel as he zipped his fly back.
-It's room service. I ordered it.

I stayed back in the room while he received the dinner cart with cheesebacons, french fries, cider and strawberries for dessert. Along with two wonderful roses, one red, one white. And a card that said : "Happy Anniversary".

-I just knew this hotel makes this kind of special treats and you can order straight from the internet, so I wanted to take the opportunity and try, but you got back from the shower too fast. - he explained - that's what you saw me closing the browser.

-But the porn site was also opened! - I noticed.
-Yeah, just in case you took too long to get off the bathroom...

I smiled. We raised our glasses.
Tonight, we celebrate.

I remember you

"I've been missing you."

Slowly I approached him, lifting my head in asking for a kiss. Felt his lips covering mine, his tongue inside my mouth and was thrilled in feeling that desired taste again. Asking myself inside how could I stay so long without that touch, without his heat. For so long I let depression of life take over my passionated soul to the point all that is sinful and endearing had completely vanished from my thoughts, making me numb to my own hopes and dreams. Now I can feel his skin against mine I wake up to the whole new world his presence unveils.
 His hands hold me tighter, as if cell by cell the lust was taking over me. I let him undress my body as please, mesmerized by his own physical reactions: his face turns redder, his heart beats faster, his breathing becoming heavier: I know he's loosing control, but still tries to keep it romantic and smooth. Naked on his arms he laid me down, covered me with kisses that ended deep in between my legs. flashing me eventually with his big shining eyes. Like a goddess, it was divine.

"Deeper."

 He was drinking from my chalice, as thirsty as I expected him to be after the desert of the time. I felt the moist running down from my pussy to my asshole as he pressed his whole face against me. His fingers begun to work, I moaned.

"Louder."



The sound of my voice and the wet noise of his movements were driving me to clímax. I wouldn't hold it back, I relaxed and let my body cum with a deep loud sigh. He was sucking my cunt so hard, but I could still feel the juice flowing. When my body relaxed, before I could make any move, he climbed up on me,on his knees, locking me between his legs. His cock was hard, huge, pulsating, juicy, tasty and the smell of his skin was irresistible. I took him on my hands and to my mouth, slowly at first, looking up to see him closing his eyes and leaning his head back, groaning. Licking, sucking and banging that delicious dick against my face, it already tasted a bit like the cum he would feed me of. Sensually moving my tongue all the way between his legs, caressing his crotch with my long nails, making a huge effort not to scratch him: the amazing orgasm I just had only made me even more aroused. I was feeling, he was filling, and suddenly he tumbled upon me, shoving that hard stick all way deep into my throat.

I started to fight to free myself, he only choked me deeper. I was wildly out of control, I wanted to be fucked hard, but apparently he didn't have enough of that naughty blowjob yet. We started measuring forces, he slapped me and I got up at once,grabbed him by his hair and got to - or he allowed me to - knock him down. I jumped on his cock and was riding him wildly as he squeezed my tits. Shut up his moanings with a kiss, he answered by hitting my ass. Hardly, until it was burning red. 

"Fuck me. I want to feel your cock up ripping me off."

" I´ll make you scream until your ass is dripping with my cum"

He throwed me aside and grabbed my hips, spreading my butt and spitting on my asshole. One finger went in and out before he dive his whole meat inside me, until I could feel his hips banging against my ass, his balls hitting my clit. I screamed , and he grabbed my hair, pulling it back. 

"Look at me."

There was a mirror on the wall, and i could see we both matching like animals. He was sweaty and sexy, the glowing wet skin, the loose hair, he looked sexy as devil and he knew it. Put my leg up to watch his big cock penetrating me, slapped my pussy and pierced me with his eyes through the mirror view. My breasts bouncing so much it hurt, I was immerse in pure delight. He pulled his stick out of me, I rolled over, spreading my legs up, wide open His cum came on squirts, to my face, my neck, my boobs, dripping onto my pussy as I rubbed my clit with that scented moist. He let his body softly land beside mine, and I kissed him , feeling his whole body shaking in aftershocks.

I would do this every morning. Every night. Anytime for the rest of my life.

I love you.