Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Here Lies My Hopes And Dreams

I was reading on the newspaper on my way to work, about a research they made among guys in my country. Results say that the thing they love most is beer. In second came soccer, and then women.

And for "women" - let's make it clear - they mean for sex. So, it means relatively good looking women they can have intercourse and/or show off as hunting trophies. They are sure not talking about relationships. Yeah, yeah, afterall it's so easier to have beer and follow soccer championships. It's even so easier to find a girl to have sex than to have a true relationship. No one seems to dream about sharing a life with someone anymore. I can't blame who thinks like that, when I notice myself there seems to be nobody left in this rondabouts that are worth sharing a life with. In a sexist culture, girls only need to be gorgeous - and that's what they pursuit over everything else, especially intelligence. I even know some - not one or a few, but some - very intelligent girls who don't mind of acting and speaking as retarded because they know this sometimes works better than trying to hook up an useful debate. After all, I know not a single guy who had fell for any girl's skills on philosophy or scientific, unless they have a good pair of boobs - Then, to make they seem intelligent themselves, they say they love her because of her brains.

I know my intelligence is not an impressive and my looks are a subjective matter, but all of my life I dared to dream about a partner who would be able to tell me funny jokes - and make an effort laughing at mine. Someone with whom I could watch movies from Jackass to Schindler's List together. Someone who notices there is more in The Fight Club than just fictional violence and can find some sense at the Hitchhiker´s Guide To The Galaxy. Someone who knows books at least by name and don't think it's shameful to admit he's been wondering about what's beyond the stars. Someone who looks at me and don't only think I'm cute, because there are lots of more beautifuls girls out there. Someone who doesn't rely on my intelligence, because I do a lot of stupid things all the time and am somehow afraid of responsabilities because of it, but someone who truly thinks "I'm holding onto this girl because she's her." Because I'm not make up, I'm not my fading looks, I'm not this blog, I'm not my job performance not even the writing I sell. In fact I get pretty bad self esteem problems everytime I try to level myself on any of this topics alone. I let myself down several times at all of them, and I would let you too.
I know I'm too demanding and this is not an open invitation. Just an outflow.

Sometimes I just feel the need of throwing my disturbed thoughs in the wind, and see if it brings back the old joy of being alive and waiting for the best that seemed always yet to come...

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