Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Day 5: Nightmares

The first night in ages that I fall asleep without rolling over and over the bed, and I end up having the worst nightmare I can remember in a long time. When I woke up, I spent some minutes in bed, trying to analyze it, and I actually started to notice the recurring elements in these nightmares I´ve been having lately.

Regrets: On these, I´m usually on regret of some decisions I made. For a time it was about my ex husband: on my nightmares I was with him again and I regretted that. I take it as a reflection of something I already did, for I do regret the three times that we got apart and I accepted him back. By now I´m more than more than sure I will never get together with him again, but I confess that sometimes it brings me a blue note of thinking how stupid I was before, since a lot of pain could be avoided if I simply wouldn't take him back, way back then.

Lost opportunities: On my nightmares I usually have the chance of doing something I really want to, but for one reason or another, I think I should leave that for a better or more appropriated moment- and I end up not doing what I wanted. Either I wake up or something happens in the dream that makes me loose the unique chance.

Apocalypse: I´ve been "dreaming" a lot about the end of the world, hollywood style. I mean, with skyscrapers falling apart, fire from the sky and all that jazz. When these happens, I feel a terrible fear, because I always think "damn, I truly didn´t believe it would be like this", and it hurts too much because I always end up having to leave someone I love behind to save my own ass. I always survive, but I loose my family. Actually I´m hardly with them when the shit starts to happen, so I end up not even knowing what happened to them. This is even worse.

Deceptions: And the last, and worst it´s to think that all of these dreams actually do start as dreams. In the beginning I´m really happy and satisfied about the way things are going.
Until it all start falling apart somehow- usually the worst, worst, worst way possible.

I´m not worried if these can be actual predictions. I´m actually pretty convinced that these are mostly reflections from my mind and my pessimist overview nowadays...

Anyway, it´s stressful

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